Bernard

It's Bernard Allen! As his jingles all remind us - an altogether nice bloke. I've known this impressive young man since the tender age of 11, and had the pleasure of following his meteoric rise in the land of showbiz all the way up to Spirit FM, noting along the way interviews (two of them!) with Lionel Blair and an all-star appearance on The Big Breakfast, where he succeeded in getting one over on Denise Van Outen. He still has time to produce what can only be termed as "concentrated" results for our Triumvirate and I occasionally get an audience with the man himself when he's not gallivanting around the world or test-driving cars. Watch out you don't cut yourself on his rapier-like wit below! Ouch!

Nicknames: Bern, swearwords.

DOB: 1/11/72.

Favourite Colour: Burnt Sienna.

Favourite music: Unequivocally Shirley Bassey.

Favourite Films: Ones that smell of Bond.

Favourite TV: Lorraine Live.

TV turnoffs: Vanessa.

Favourite books: Leslie Charteris's Saint Novels.

Favourite Food:   Frogs and Snails and Pretty Girls Tails.

Favourite Drinks: Pints of Gin and Bitter Lemon.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Being born.

What do you look for in a woman?: Poor eyesight.

If you had to live in another country, where would it be and why?: Germany because it's so easy to take the piss out of them and the beer's good.

Why should we like you?: Because tall people need all the love they can get.

Is there anything else we should know?: I have seven secret love children.

Do you have any German in you?
No.
Would you like some?
Living arrangement: A coffin suffices

What do you think about ouija boards? They're the Devil's work. I want one

Favourite board game: Monopoly - so easy to play, genuine fun for all the family and the least likely game to cause arguments amongst your friends. Otherwise Scruples - guaranteed to result in a fight!

What is your favourite number? 3 - the ideal number for a threesome

Favourite magazine: Just 17, but smart girls do get More I'm told

Favourite smell: rotting Phil Collins

Favourite soundtrack to your life: This question is simply too hard to answer

What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? Oh, bugger!

Roller coaster - scary or exciting? Oh, so very exciting

How many rings before you answer the phone? 3, unless I'm feeling very naughty in which case I might leave ... this is a stupid question! Christ, when's he going to quiz me about what's lurking in my fridge?!!

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes

Storms -cool or scary? Both - which always heightens the pleasure...

What is your zodiac sign and are you a typical example of it? Scorpio - yes, I am deeply sexy

If you could have any job what would it be and why? I'd be an outrageous clothing designer - very tactile

If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be? Burnt Sienna - camel chic is in

What is on the walls in your bedroom? Paint. Honestly

Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous: Right handed clearly

What's under your bed? Boxes of stuff I haven't room to put anywhere else. With things in

Is the glass half empty or half full? Both

A picture paints a thousand words.

If any people are curious as to the
story behind this pic, just ask Bern
- I'm sure he'll be eager to explain it!