...was founded by two keen homebrewers who were so impressed with their own beer, they offered it to friends.
Encouraged by positive responses, the idea of Malvern Hills Brewery was conceived.
In the beginning, out of nowhere, there came The Earth and The Earth was good.
On the first day, there came Malvern and Malvern was bad. Well, there was nowhere to buy a beer, was there?
On the second day or thereabouts, two tectonic plates were caught speeding at 5mm per millennium.
Neither plate was looking where it was going and they were both about to lose their No Claims Bonus.
CRUNCH!
"Just look what you've done to my bumper," said Plate Number A1 WWP.
"Hmmm, bent up in the air just like mine. Take a few thousand magnetic pole swings before we straighten things up," smiled Plate Number A2 WWP.
"I suppose you think it's funny. Oh well, good job I bumped into a Plate with a sense of humour if I'm going to be stuck to you for aeons. I think we have to adopt the married name of Hills now, don't we?"
So, now you know how the Malvern Hills were formed.
On the third day (of any significance to MHB), something weird called life began and, even though the Hills weren't too worried, the rest of the Earth had a nasty gut feeling.
The poor planet got indigestion and had a few volcanic eruptions before suddenly experiencing a premonition about strange creatures sitting on bits of tree, pouring fluids out of crystal vessels into themselves.
Ominous, but what on Earth could it mean?
"Better than the last vision I had," thought the convalescing planet. "Nothing but stars whizzing by in that one. My mate Venus had a nightmare one about being gobbled up by Angry Old Fireball Features out there; flares up over the slightest little equinox and reckons he's really something with all his flashy yellows and reds. "
On the fourth day, give or take a few passing asteroids and UFO's, a highly evolved species of being invented the Spade. Man had arrived at Malvern digging foundations for dwellings.
Man, lots of them, actually, with spades, putting houses up and digging great holes in the Malvern Hills.
Well, the Hills told them to watch where they were sticking their spades, but the humans just continued regardless.
"Hey up lad. This place Malvern's not so bad," said one human to another. "I'm going to call this big hole we're digging North Malvern Quarry"
They built a terrace of houses for the Quarry Workers and gave the Foreman an Out-house to put all the spades in. Then, they discovered dynamite!
The Hills were not amused. They nearly split up over it. All those bangs; their marriage was really on the rocks at one point. I mean, how would you like to have your shrubs blown off and your igneous innards blown sky high?
Ouch!
Now was it on the fifth or sixth day that the homebrewer bought the Foreman's house. Oh, I can't remember and it doesn't matter unless you're an archaeologist.
Anyway, this homebrewer and his fellow chemist began converting the Dynamite Store into a Brewery. That put a smile back on the faces of the Hills.
The Malvern Hills even threw down a few rocks to help complete the conversion and the homebrewers were so grateful they named the microbrewery after the Hills, who were absolutely delighted.
Malvern Hills Brewery is now a flourishing company serving discerning drinkers in the local community with cask-conditioned ales.
It seems the Earth's premonition on the third day came true and it was meant to be.