Scottish Temperatures

NB: needs to be read in degrees Fahrenheit.

50 degrees: New Yorkers turn on the heat.; People in Scotland plant gardens.
40 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably.; People in Scotland sunbathe.
35 degrees: Italian cars won't start.; People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees: Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.; People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees: Californians begin to evacuation.; People in Scotland go swimming.
Zero degrees: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.; People in Scotland have the last BBQ before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero: People in Miami cease to exist.; People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
20 degrees below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico.; People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
80 degrees below zero: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.; Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.; People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.
173 degrees below zero: Ethyl alcohol freezes.; People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 degrees below zero: Microbial life start to disappear.; Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero: All atomic motion stops.; People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cald an aw?"
500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over.; Aberdeen win the Scottish Cup.