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Your Lovely Emails! Listed here are some of the many emails / guestbook entries I receive that I feel warranted special attention. Also included any my responses to them.
My Response... Wow, it's great that you can work out the contents of an entire website purely on two pieces of fictional, introductory writing? If you thought that they were interesting the rest of the site is a real hoot! Your friend claims not to have a mole on his penis? I hate to wonder how you know otherwise! Love Mike.
Bunch of bored people? Nope, it's just me I'm afraid. Surely if it *were* real and the Beatles had created this huge elaborate hoax to con their fans into believing that one of their beloved group had been killed they wouldn't want people to know? Why spill the beans now and ruin 30 years of history? Is it just me, or is it ironic that the people who tell me that I have no life are the people who think that they're being highly original and witty posting the exact same abuse in my guestbook that all the other griefers do. Funny that. But glad you enjoyed the website! Love Mike.
Yes... uh huh, really? okay. That's a very interesting guestbook entry you've left me there, idiot... erm, I mean Marshall. I unreservedly apologise for how utterly disgusted my website has so obviously left you, and I also apologise on God's behalf since he obviously did not give you the emotion required for you to just, y'know, leave a website if you didn't like it. I hope that resolves some of your problems. Please let me go through all of your points and try and answer them for you... "why not leave ur email u a chiken?" - I believe that my email address is on the website. It's on the 'email me' page. I apologise for obviously not making it clear enough for you. "DONT U HAVE ANYTHING BETTER 2 DO?" - Because posting such comments in a guestbook is obviously a much better use of time. "MCCARTNEY SHOULD SUE UR SORRY ASS!" - You're right, he should. I'm just slandering his good name by writing about an unfounded conspiracy that's been around since 1969. "GET IT RIGHT ASSHOLE PAUL ISNT DEAD HE NEVER WAS" - Am I claiming that he is dead? I think rage has clouded your otherwise crystal clear judgement. "RINGO ISNT DEAD EITHER DIPSHIT!" - Erm.... I never said he was. Show me where I did and I'll give you a cookie. "DO U STILL LIVE WITH MOMMY?" - Perhaps, but at least she doesn't have to feed and bathe me. "BACKWARDS CLUES ROFLMAO ANY MORON WHO DOES THAT 2 THERE RECORDS" - Your grammar is slipping to an intensely negative level. I'm now currently trying hard to just give a damn about what you say, but I'll keep at it so as not to disappoint. You see, we have this wonderful, wonderful thing in the 21st century - it's called 'technology'. With it, we can take these little discs called CDs and use computers to magically play the contents in reverse! No wonder people say it's the tool of the Devil! "GET UR SHIT CLEAR DUMBASS" - Coming from the person who can't spell 'Shady' or 'chicken', thinks that I'm claiming that Ringo is dead and that I play all my records backwards... Also, please don't sign your emails 'Slim Shaddy' - such a thing is just so unimaginative. Couldn't you think of a decent enough nickname (I suppose 'idiot' didn't sound cool enough for your whacky message, eh?) - or perhaps your keyboard is just broken. I'd get a new one if I were you, it looks like the G key is broken. Also, whilst you're there, pick up a dictionary too. They're your friend. Love Mike.
My Response... Thank you for such a delightful message! You're such a wonderful, lovely person - will you marry me? Love Mike.
My Response... Prove it. Love Mike. PS - Very apt name. Loving it!
My Response... Is it me, or does this email look like it's been sent from my beautiful admirer 'Melissa' (see above). The grammatical errors are identical, right down to the spelling of 'fucken'. She must really love me! Love Mike.
For those not in the know, this is in fact the 5th message that this idiot has posted in my guestbook (go read the others!). Each time has been with a fake email address and name but all have the same IP address. It's HUGELY ironic that in most of them he's telling me that I have too much time on my hands and that I should get a life. Yes, you heard that right! The guy who tries to be clever and supplys fake names and emails and posts 5 seperate messages into my guestbook (and only stopped then because I blocked his IP from doing so) is saying that I'm the one with too much time on their hands! Can you feel the hypocrisy oozing from your very veins, your soul?
My Response... Hello there. I think Elton John said it best - "Caaaannnn you feeeeel the lurrve tonight...". I hope it's not just me who finds it highly ironic that you posted four times in my guestbook telling me that I'm a 'bored and lonely' person. Again, I'm honoured that you think that this site is written by more than one person, but it's just lil old me at the helm I'm afraid. Please, if you decide to write back, use a spellchecker. You write like an idiot! I bet your Microsoft Word spellchecker waves a little white flag whenever it's asked to check any of your work. Love Mike.
Wow, my site now has international haters! Although, sadly, I feel that this is my good friend Marshall / Shaddy / Idiot (determined due to the reference to me apparently saying that Ringo is dead, something that Marshall has, to date, been the only one stupid enough to think I said that) simply running a rubbishy insult through an online translator. Perhaps he feels that if the message is in another language it'll magically change his IP address into showing a location in that country? Apparently I'm stupid. Yes... you keep thinking that because I'd never in a million years work out your evil scheme. Love Mike.
My Response... Ahh, I've been missing my influx of hatemail. The original attachments you emailed me were absolutely huge. Thank you for taking the email to email them to me to prove your detail, elaborate point! I do feel proud that you actually believe that this is *my* theory, that I was the one who created it, but sadly I wasn't even born in 1969 when it all started. I'd like to know what it is exactly you want me to explain. Explain why it's a bootleg? Well, a bootleg is an unofficial recording that contains unreleased material that usually consists of studio outtakes or live performances. Or is it to explain that the photo contradicts some of the 'evidence' on my site? Well, you see the thing is, the conspiracy isn't actually true. There, I admit it! It's all lies and bullshit and very well done to you for picking it up! Have a gold star! If only I had seen some of the alternative photos of the Abbey Road session that showed Paul wearing sandals (kicked off because Paul said it was a hot day) or that didn't have the police van in it (arrived later on because the flow of traffic was disrupting the session) then I would have been so much more enlightened! I think I'm going to focus my attention onto the 'Stig is Dead' conspiracy instead. It seems much more plausible than this one. Love Mike.
My Response... Is it me, or does this email bear a striking resemblence to the one I received just two days earlier? Thanks for your concern, 'God', but I'll choose to ignore it all the same. Oh, and I'd get your keyboard fixed. The Caps Lock appears to be broken. Love Mike.
My Response... Wow. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me. Love Mike.
My Response... Dear Chris. As I read through your lovely email I routinely burst out laughing. Not only me, but also the numerous others I have enlightened with its content. The thing that struck me most whilst reading your email is how seriously you have taken my website, and thus have replied in turn. I give you credit though, even though you, "really don't like Paul McCartney" and that you don't like the group as a whole because, "they bore [you] a little" you still managed to find my website and then email me a detailed critique. Let's go through what you've said and try to clear things up for you... "As I read through the clues on your website, I routinely chuckled to myself. Never have I seen such unfounded rubbish." - That's why it's called 'a conspiracy'. If what was being presented held a true basis for arguement alongside tight evidence then it would be called 'fact'. That's pretty much the whole point of the legend - pretty much none of it holds water. I mention this in the FAQ page, and the Truth page must have also told you just how much can be explained away? Or didn't you read that far? "But you are really clutching at straws. Almost every clue you give is followed by a question mark, which suggests that even you aren't sure of them yourself." - Yes, I agree, most of the clues are 'clutching at straws' as you say. The reason they all end with a question mark was because I wanted the site to be on a neutral viewpoint so that visitors could make their own minds up. I didn't want to completely rubbish everything because it's such a historical conspiracy which I, alongside innumerable others, love. I also didn't want to go down the route of believing it (which I don't, before you ask) and trying to convince others into that viewpoint. Could what is being presented be a clue? Could it hold that particular meaning being offered? It's up to you to decide. That is, of course, if you're able to. "For example: Rubber Soul - "aren't car tyres made out of rubber?" My God, can you get any more tenuous than that?!" - It's funny that you pick out a clue from Rubber Soul because of how tenuous it is and not, as many others state, because Rubber Soul was released before his alleged car crash. "All you're doing is finding something that differentiates Paul from the others in the album covers, which proves precisely nothing." - That's pretty much the whole consensus of the Paul is Dead conspiracy summed up in one single sentence (You know, I'm curious as to how much of the website you actually read, because so far all you've mentioned is the album covers and Rubber Soul, one of the earliest listed covers in that section). Yes, it proves absolutely nothing - again hence why it's labelled as 'a conspiracy'. "You could quite easily find things that differentiate John, George or Ringo as well." - It's been done. Search on the Internet for 'Everybody BUT Paul is Dead'. For example, George is smoking a cigarette on the front cover of the UK press of the 'A Hard Days Night'album. That clearly means that he died back in 1964! And Ringo, his face being misaligned with the other band members on the front cover of With / Meet the Beatles surely tells us he died back in 1963! "What you're doing is a hopeless waste of everyone's time." - Since this website went online back in July 2000 it has received over 150,000 unique visits, 50,000 of them before the site had a little off-time back in 2003. Personally, I don't think that a website that receives, on average, over 130 unique hits a day to be a waste of my time, nor do I consider it to be a waste of time to those who spend a few hours killing time and reading through it. It's a laugh, it's all fun and something that myself, and I believe a vast number of people who visit, do not take all too seriously. You, apparently, are in the minority. "I really don't like Paul McCartney, but that doesn't mean i'm [sic] going to be drawn into this absurd conspiracy theory." - Can you not see the irony in this statement? Even though you have stated that you don't like Paul McCartney or the Beatles, you still not only managed to find the site, decide to come and visit it and then read through it, you then set it upon yourself to send me an email about it that intricately details the many arguements I've so obviously never heard of during my time running the site. "There is no evidence to suggest he is dead, and he is clearly the same person in the 60s as he is now." - Oh my god, you're joking, aren't you!? Wow, I'm so glad that we have intelligent people like you around to point this out because, again, it's something I've never, ever heard in my years running the site. It never even occured to me that this whole thing may, just possibly, be not true! "All you have are silly, pointless theories that hold absolutely no water with those who are even halfway intelligent." - Actually, the website, as a whole, only focuses on one theory, not lots of little theories that all merge together to create one big theory. Most 'halfway intelligent' people see this website for what it is - satire. They manage to work out that it's something to read through, to get a little freaked out over, but mostly something to enjoy. Again, you appear to have fallen into the small minority. "I find it hilarious that you can't see that." - On the contrary. I find it hilarious how pompous your email has come across, that you implied that I'm some sort of half-brained conspiracy sheep who has lapped it all up, and how you've appeared like a look-down-my-nose-at-you, someones-got-to-tell-him-oh-it-might-as-well-be-me-sigh! guardian of the common sense lamp like I didn't have a clue before you came to 'enlighten' me. Did you seriously think that I didn't already know any of the points you made? Wow, it's bad enough when some 'challenged' person with a dodgy keyboard and a wonky eye chastises me because I dare to include clues on albums that were released before Paul allegedly died, but when someone who's used long words and correct grammar and spelling (kudos to you for that by the way. As you can see above, my usual cliental of negative emails leave a lot to be desired) - possibly to appear better, or more intelligent than me - completely misses the most basic of viable criticistic points in their retort... that's hilarious. But thank you for such a lovely email. As you can see, you taking the time to write and send it was not wasted, unlike the website in general that was (according to you). Love Mike.
Dear Adam, Please tell me that English isn't your first language. If it is then we really need to have a word with your English teacher. Love Mike.
Dear Alex, Yet again we have a 'found your site, went to your site, read your site, think it's rubbish' comment. It'd be like me going to a Pete Doherty website, reading to and listening to everything there, then telling everybody how much of a loser I think he is. Also, someone has assumed that the conspiracy is mine. I am honoured, but alas - I cannot take the credit. In 1969 I wasn't even the slightest urge in my father's loins. But thank you so much for your valued comments. You know, in the fashion world at least, zero is the new ten! Love Mike.
Dear Thisisbullshit, Unfortunately your lovely message had to be deleted from my guestbook because of your use of the word 'N****r', but I've kept the rest here for prosterity. Unfortunately your email address 'gofukurself@aol.com' didn't appear to be working. You wouldn't possibly post such a message and then use a fake name and email address, would you? I'd also like to play the 'irony on a grand scale' card on your use of the phrase 'not mentally retarded', capitalised as if that was actually your name. Even though you claim intelligence there is not one punctuation mark and at least two mis-spelled words in your delightful message. Was there nothing better to do on Christmas day? Love Mike.
Dear Anthony, Gah, you're right! You're the first person ever to tell me that it isn't true! If only there were others out there like you ready to correct deluded conspiracy nuts like myself then the world would be a much happier place! Thank you for taking the time to 'prove' something to me that I already know about. You see, the brain hates chaos. Chaos frightens the brain because it cannot comprehend and understand it. To combat this, and this is the clever bit, the brain tries to reassess this chaos and compare it with your knowledge to try and discover an order within it. Sometimes the brain even goes so far as artifically adding to the chaos in order to create order. This is why when you listen to indecipherable noise like a piece of music being played backwards it sounds like jibberish. Tell the brain what to compare it to however and it'll 'fill in the blanks' and it'll suddenly become a lot clearer. We're pretty clever when you think about it. Time for an irony check. Number one - saying that the site is completely stupid and spelling 'completely' wrong. Number two - telling me it's all stupid and then saying that Paul got the scar due to a punchup with Ringo. This is wrong. Paul got the scar in late '65 when he was involved in a moped accident and smacked his face on the pavement, causing some cuts, bruising and the scarred lip. You can see the damage he did to his teeth in the 'Paperback Writer' and 'Rain' videos. Paul later grew his moustache to hide the scar whilst it healed. I'd suggest that next time you tell me that "I've got it all wrong" you try at least reading some of my website first. Namely, 'The truth beind the clues' and 'FAQs'. Sorry again for f**king it up for you. Love Mike.
Dear Kyle, Out of a site that has over 370 clues, you only read 1/7th of the site before reaching your conclusion. That's like reading the first chapter of a book before thinking you know the entire plot of the book, who did it and where the body was hidden. Did you consider reading the parts where I say that I don't believe it happened, or where I provide the 'logical reasons' you speak of behind the clues (Truth Section) or were you just too interested in trying to find the parts about men instead? Speaking of which I'm a bit concerned regarding the homosexual undertones in your letter. I'm flatted, but the answer is no. Sorry. And to answer your so obviously well-researched points of argument... 1) I did not 'make up' this conspiracy, it has been around since 1969 - 14 years since I was even born. 2) I do not make a penny from running this website. 3) I'm the one causing controversy for attention? Ironic judging by the content of your lovely email. Love Mike. Since then I haven't received any delightful emails from you lovely people. Still, I live in hope... beatles paul mccartney ringo starr george harrison john lennon conspiracy music 60's records vinyl yoko ono olivia harrison starkey |
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