(Guitar intro. Sounds of bottles, drink being poured out and drunk.)

Vim:	Give me another drink Mr Bartender
	If you don't I'm going to stick your dick in a blender
	'Cause I, woah I,
	I'm gonna drink till I die!

	All I wanna do is drink as much as I can
	That's why I'm a member of a heavy metal band
	'Cause I, woah I,
	I'm gonna drink till I die!
	I'm gonna drink till I die!

	Lager makes me happy, vodka makes me mean
	I'm a heavy metal, drinking, driving, alcohol machine
	Listen to me drinking, drinky drinky drink
	Listen to me when I go "Bleauuurgh!!!"

	But I, woah I,
	I'm gonna drink till I die!
	I'm gonna drink till I die!

	I get up in the morning, drink a bottle of gin
	Forty pints of lager and a Babycham
	'Cause I, woah I,
	I'm gonna drink till I die!
	I'm gonna drink till I die!

(Track ends in a shambles of wrong notes and feedback.)

Colin:	Oh stop, it's ghastly!

Den:	Shall we do it again, for fuck's sake...

Vim:	I mean, are you gonna do it or not?

Colin:	When I came here at nine o'clock this morning this row was going on. It's now four
	o'clock in the afternoon!

Den:	No, it's four o'clock in the MORNING, Colin.

Colin:	Is it?

Den:	Yeah.

Colin:	Good lord! That's... that's, erm... twelve, that's... well, it's a bloody hell of a lot
	of hours anyway, and we've recorded nothing!

Spider:	Sixteen hours we've been standing here talking about whether we're gonna do it or not.

Colin:	Oh, God...

Den:	No, he's had a shit, and we've had a few drinks and that as well, it's not too bad...

Spider:	Well, we ought to do something, 'cause we can't just... we could be here weeks! We could 
	be here weeks and weeks!

Colin:	We HAVE been here weeks! We've recorded NOTHING! We have been in this studio since JUNE!

Den:	Maybe if we plugged the guitars in...?

Colin:	Yes, but we don't know how to, do we?

(Laughter.)

Colin:	We're not really a band at all, are we? It's a hoax!

Spider:	It's dreadful, innit? I mean, you waste your whole life, standing...

Colin:	You could waste your whole life being a pop star!

Spider:	...in the studio, and not make a single sound!

Den:	I still maintain that we should plug the guitars in and play them.

Colin:	I went to the toilet...

Spider:	Try it! Just try it!

Colin:	I went to the toilet just now, and I walked into the wrong studio and do you know who
	was in there? Glenn Miller. He said, "How the fuck do you get out of here?" he said.
	I said, "The war's over, love, there's not much point." He said, "I've got a plane to
	catch." There's probably people buried under the floorboards!

(More laughter.)

Vim:	Oh, come on.

Den:	When are we gonna play some music?

Vim:	Oh God, I fucking hate rock and roll.