(Atmospheric background noises: dripping water, distant church bells etc.)

Vim:	Two, three, four...
All:	We are the four horsemen of the rock apocalypse! Leaders and saviours of the wild ride
	to oblivion and ecstasy!
Colin:	Good! Now we four are met, let us free the universe with our own peculiar brand of heavy
	metal.

(Crowd noise, band tuning up)

MC:	Ladies and gentlemen, the worst rock 'n' roll band in the world, BAD NEWS!

(The band begins to play "Hey Hey Bad News" but breaks down three bars into the song, amid
jeering and whistling from the crowd)

Vim:	Get it fucking right, Den!

(More jeers and whistles)

Vim:	Right, here we go!

(The song starts up again)

Vim:	Are you ready to rock?
	Because we are Bad News!
	We're very metal!
	We got nothing to lose!
	So let me he hear you say hey!

	Hey hey Bad News!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	Hey hey Bad News!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	Hey hey Bad News!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!

Vim:	Hey, you're looking good! - Stop throwing things!
	We're all having fun!
	You gotta kick away the blues
	So sing Hey Hey Bad News!

Vim:	Hey hey Bad News!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	Hey hey Bad News!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	Hey hey!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!

Vim:	No!
	We won't go!
	This is metal!
	And we are never gonna die, never gonna die, never gonna die!
	We're so heavy!
	Heavy metal!
	And we are never gonna die, never gonna die, never gonna die!

(Awful guitar solo. Yet more jeering and whistling.)

Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!

Vim:	FUCK YOU!

	Are you ready to rock?
	Are you ready to roll?
	Oh God, this is stupid!
	This happens at every fucking gig we play!
	Just sing Hey Hey Bad News!

Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	Hey hey!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
Vim:	That fucking nearly hit me!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!
(Den plays wrong chord)
Vim:	Alright, Den!
Crowd:	Fuck off Bad News!
	Fuck off Bad News!

Vim:	Fucking morons! Fuck you!

(The song grinds to a halt with more jeering, whistling, boos and chants of "Fuck off" from
the crowd.)