Den:	(sings) On a clear day... you can see my penis.

Colin:	What are you going to wear for Top Of The Pops?

Vim:	I'm gonna wear black, I think. Something really tight around, you know, the crotch...

Colin:	Yeah, that's important, but it's so difficult to find trousers that fit round the waist
	and yet still show off, you know, the undercarriage.

Vim:	Well, you have to get those really thin ones. It's like wearing a pair of tights,
	really.

Colin:	Yeah, I guess we could... We could just paint our legs black, how would that work?

Vim:	You'd have to paint your knob black as well.

Colin:	Yeah.

Den:	And it'd dangle about a bit, you know, I mean, if you...

Spider:	Well, that's good though, isn't it?

Den:	No, but, it'd sort of...

Colin:	It would just look like a painted knob rather than a pair of trousers.

Vim:	You couldn't pad it then, either, could you?

Colin:	No, that's true. You could sellotape the cucumber on, I suppose... no, that'd be a
	giveaway, though.

Den:	Do you use a cucumber?

Colin:	...Yeah.

Den:	Oh.

Vim:	What do you use, Den?

Den:	I just stuff an old pair of socks down there.

Vim:	I use a big stick of broccoli, 'cause it's got a better shape... it's a more interesting 
	idea.

Den:	Don't you get all kind of green juice down your leg?

Colin:	Well, I guess it's okay as long as you wear your black trousers, then it just goes
	straight down the side of your boot and you can wash your feet at the end of the gig.