This is the most recent thing that I've written, being a special request for a friend. It is totally surreal and dates back to the kind of comedy I suppose I was writing at the beginning.  One man, wakes up smelling of fish and immediately assumes that the two witches he met the day before have turned him into a herring.  It's full of lots of in jokes for my friends, and I must apologise for the Irish characters, although the are a little funny. It's a strange play, again, more like the comic sketch style of One Hundred Percent.

Sam
Luce
Kat
Dave
Mum
Irish 1 (Paddy)
Irish 2 (Murphy)

Sam - They said they would, they said they would. I can't believe it came true! Oh god, why didn't I agree to the one where all, the naked ladies would fiddle with my… Oh god, I'm a herring!

He clearly isn't. The phone rings.

Sam - (Raising his head) What?

He goes to the phone and picks it up.

Sam - (cautiously) Hello?

Voice - Hi Sam. I'll, be round I five minutes, stuck in traffic down the northern road. Sorry mate, I'll pick you up in a minute.

Sam - Dave! Dave, no don't come and pick me up…

Voice - Don't, why not?

Sam - Can't really explain, well yes, you se I'm a herring. But that doesn't matter, well yes it does, look Dave I need you to get a doctor or something…

Voice - Is that what I tell Chad? "Oh yeah hi Chad, Sam isn't at work today, yes sorry. Reason? Oh yes, he's a herring I'm afraid." Yeah right.

Sam - Look I need your help. There were these two woman, with a book and…

Voice - Yeah right, ill see you when you sober up.

Hangs up.

Sam - No, I'm not drunk. Dave… Dave… Twat.

He puts the phone down.

Sam - What am I going to do?

He runs to the window, opens it and shouts.

Sam - Hello? Hello, yes you. Look, I appear to be a herring. I need you to find me two women who can change me back. Hello, no wait. Lady, lady, I need two women… (Bitch) You, hey kid, kid. Look, do you want a fiver. Tenner, yeah okay, look I need you to… okay, here it is,