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IN MEMORIUM

Carl Bernstein - Bereny Bugle Reporter

 

While investigating The Mother of All Dungeons on behalf of the Bereny Bugle, Carl was killed when he was run over by an animated bone mound near the dungeon's entrance. He will be missed by his friends and colleagues at the Bugle who will now have to buy their own round.

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Wanted - Reporters

The Bereny Bugle is now recruiting new reporters after a number of vacancies have arisen in our journalistic staff. An excellent benefits package is offered.

 

Applicants should be literate, articulate, principled, fearless, committed to the ideal of journalistic integrity, and able to run faster than a big pile of possessed bones.

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Sir

 

This is, perhaps, a more official missive on military cross-dressing than Col. Mustard's recent, slightly intemperate, though cogently expressed, epistle on the subject.

 

A young soldier recently wrote of what he considered to be unfair treatment to male recruits. First let me remind him that this is an army and armies wear uniforms - uniform means 'the same' and so everybody of the same rank wears the same clothes. Off -duty clothing is a little different, but it is not true that the distaff soldiers have had no restrictions put on them - they have had to cover up the more extreme tattoos and the fad for razor blades on body piercings had to be stopped for health and safety reasons.  He refers to the historical example of General G. B. William Gruff , but there haven't been many other instances recently - I am assured that the gross of tutus delivered to the Cadet College was due to a clerical error and the costumes at the Staff Officers ball are an old tradition.

 

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed in letters and rambling tall tales from old duffers to the Bereny Bugle are those of the the author and do not represent those of the Bereny Bugle.

Let us know your views: Send your letters to The Editor, at bereny.bugle ‘at’ tesco.net.

 

The concessions made on off duty wear have not been minor. Underwear is no longer checked before soldiers leave the base; although I do consider that some of the bondage leatherwear will make it impossible to use a stand up toilet. And you all know that certain clubs are no longer being investigated by the Army Proctors. What we are not going to allow is male members of the Bereny Army to sashay down the middle of Crownheart High Street in purple sarongs and still call themselves soldiers!

 

Henrik Rhineheart

Military Commissioner

Department of War

 

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Dear Sirs

 

In response to the letter from "a young soldier" in your previous edition.

Hnuff, snuff, snort, grrrrr, (deleted), damned little whippersnapper!!! Pshaw, pish, pooch, bosh, tosh, (deleted),  dressing up in women's clothes!!! Stuff, rot, tripe, piffle, ??*!*, bloody pansies!!! Sputter, spatter, spit (deleted) In my day balderdash, gammon, tommyrot, bilge, (deleted) , horsewhipping too good for them!!! Blether, blather, blah-blah, guff, (deleted) , damned old scoundrel Gruff!!! Froth, foam, fume, (deleted). When I was a cadet, flaugh, bah, boo, rave, babble, (deleted)  and threw them in the river!!!

With sincere regards to all your readers

Colonel Mustard

Head of Military Communications

 

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