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CROWNHEART UNVEILS

‘THE FUTURE OF SHOPPING’

Dateline: 17-5-516

 

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.

 

After months of delay the City of Crownheart has at last unveiled its long-awaited shopping mall, which it is hoped will revitalise the city’s reputation as the place where anything can be bought or sold.

 

The new mall is an extensive covered shopping arcade which hosts a wide selection of goods and services which are available nowhere else in Bereny. At least that is according to its backers, the Crownheart Mercentile Guild and Corporation.

 

Designed by renowned architect Norbert Fourex, the building’s ambitious and spectacular design has resulted in spiraling construction costs and lengthy delays.

 

“People used to say ‘What you cannot find in Crownheart, you cannot find’”, said Aurelius Lucre, President and Grand Enumerator of the CMGC. “But what with these out-of-town retail outlets that the Crown seems to be letting any old adventurer or wandering tinker set up, and that ugly sprawl of suburban development that has sprung up around the city, Crownheart has lost some of its appeal. We hope to put this back with a place where Crownheart’s elite can shop in relaxed and tasteful surroundings, among a selection of unique retail outlets that offer services which are to be found no-where else in the Kingdom. What you are looking at here is truly the future of shopping.”

 

Prominent at the opening party was well-known Crownheart Attorney-at-Law Snodfer L Puddlethumper Esq, whose legal offices are among the new shopping emporium’s tenants. “Let's be honest with each other ... aren't you long over-due for an assessment of your current legal issues,” he told our reporter. “Inadequate legal planning can lead to family disputes of the most unpleasant kind, you know. If this sounds like you, then you definitely want to stop by our brand new Crownheart offices. But wait, there's more! Given some of our clients' lack of cash to pay their legal bills, we have in stock a number of items that we have taken in barter for legal services. And if you stop by right now during our super grand opening celebration, we are able to offer these to you at very attractive prices!”

 

Crownheart’s merchants are hoping that the attractions of the mall will draw many visitors into the city and improve their business, although the city’s bar owners are rumoured to fear that their takings may drop significantly now that Mr Puddlethumper has an office and no longer needs to conduct his business from their bars.