You either have to laugh or cry, if you support Leek Town F.C. Personally, I prefer to go for the former, and as somebody who sadly watches them from the terraces, I feel that I am entitled to make light of things. They obviously laugh at me, and my fellow spectator(s)!!

So in order to gain retribution, this page is devoted to the Blues of Leek Town F.C.

I went into the trophy room at Leek Town ( ? that's a joke in itself!) the other day and two Japanese prisoners of war ran out!

A Blues fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Leek Town have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "What does he do when they win?"

The Blues Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies: "I dunno.... I've only had the dog for twelve months."

A burglary was recently committed at Harrison Park, and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a blue carpet.

Someone asked me the other day, "When do Leek Town kick off? "About every ten minutes." I replied.

Mark Gardiner (our manager, for those of you who are fortunate enough not to know!) was caught speeding on his way to Harrison Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said.

The Fire brigade phoned the Chairman up, in the early hours of Sunday morning... "Sir, Harrison Park is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" cried the Chairman.

"Er, the fire hasn't spread to the kitchen yet, sir."

Q: Why do NASA send their astronauts to train at Harrison Park? A: It's the only place in the world with no atmosphere!

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and Leek Town ? A: OJ Simpson had some sort of a defence!

A man desperate at Leek Town’s current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, however, he decides to wear his Leek Town strip, as a final gesture. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Leek Town football strip and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "It's to avoid embarrassing the family."

As a reward for drawing a match, Mark Gardiner offered to send the entire Blues squad on an all-expenses paid holiday to Florida, but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Leek Town are good enough to win the European Cup."

Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q: Why are Leek Town the strongest team in the league ?

A: Because they have been propping up all the other teams all season!

What is the difference between Leek Town and a triangle?

A triangle has three points.

A Leek Town scout returns from Bosnia raving about a new teenage superstar he's seen in the war torn country. Mark Gardner is convinced, and is so desperate for no one else to snatch him up, that he signs the boy without looking at him for himself. The boy arrives at Harrison Park for Saturday's game, and is on the bench.

With ten minutes to go Twiggy (our centre forward) gets injured and has to be substituted.The boss points to the new Bosnian boy: "This is your big chance, son. Go out there and do the business for us". The lad strips off his shell suit and takes to the pitch. In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat trick to give the points to Blues.

After the game the boss gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room."Great performance son. Go and give your parents a ring at home. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office". The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his mum.

"Mum, I've just had a brilliant debut; I scored a hat-trick!...you don't sound very happy though; why are you crying? Is everything okay?" "No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been shot, they've kidnapped your brother, and the house has been bombed."

"Oh Mum, that's terrible; I'm so sorry"

"So you should be. It was your idea for us to move to Leek!"

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the Workd Cup?". God Replies, "In the next five years" "But I'll be dead by then", says the man.

The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Forest next win the European Cup?". The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years". "But I'll be dead by then", says the man.

The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Leek Town win the Unibond Premier League?". God Answers,"I'll be dead by then!"

Last year, my aged Great Aunt, who is more than a bit senile, gave me a Leek Town season ticket for Christmas. Not wanting it, I took it down to Harrison Park, and nailed it to the gates.

A couple of weeks later, I had a change of heart, and decided that it was stupid to give something like that to any old stranger, so I went back to the ground to retrieve it. When I got there, however, it was too late. Some bugger had nicked the nail.

Q How many Leek Town fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Both of them.

Mark Gardiner told his wife he was going out shopping.

"What are you going for?" she asked.

Mark replied, "I'm getting some pizzas, some booze, oh, and a new pair of gloves for my goalkeeper."

"Sounds like a good swap to me," said his wife!

What is the difference between Leek Town and a cup of tea?

A. The tea stays in the cup longer!

A source inside Camelot, the lottery people, has revealed that a man from Leek Town was a recent winner in the nation's favourite weekly gamble. The lucky chap was delighted to announce that he had spent his winnings on a new player for his beloved Leek Town.

"If my three numbers come up and win me a tenner again,I'll gladly buy them another!" he gushed.

Mark Gardiner was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"

To which the old lady replied, "Sod off! You got yourself into this mess, you sort it out!"

Did you hear the one about the kid who asked for a cowboy outfit for Christmas? His Dad bought him a Leek Town strip!

The FA had to step in to prevent Leek Town's latest sponsorship deal. They had signed a mega new contract with the pet-food firm Spillers.

An FA spokesman said that it would be fraud to have Leek Town players with "Winnalot" on their shirts!!

A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm. "Do you serve Leek Town fans here?" he asks.

"Certainly Sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at the alligator.

"Okay," says the man, "a pint of lager for me and a Leek Town fan for the alligator."

Rumour has it that to cut the running costs of the Leek Town scoreboard, only the lightbulbs in the half used to show the opponents score will be lit. The other half will just have 'Leek Town 0' painted on.

Did you hear that the police were called to the last Leek Town game at Harrison Park? They caught two Blues supporters red handed, climbing out of the ground during the second half, but they insisted they go back and watch the rest of the match!

A bloke recently moved into Leek, and being a little bored (must have been very bored) on Saturday he decided to take in a footie game. Upon surveying the papers he saw that Leek Town were playing at home so he decided to go.

Upon nearing the ground he got a little lost so decided to ask a local how to get to the ground. Being the friendly open sort of guy you get in Leek, the local gave him directions.

"Take the first right, follow the road, second left and then right again. You'll then be near the ground, so you should see two queues, one long and one short. get in the short queue."

"Why?" asked the man.

"Because the long queue's for the chippie" came the reply.

A couple were going through the traumatic throes of a divorce when the subject of the custody of their 4 year old became the contended point. The judge said that since the lad's future was at stake he would like to see the young boy alone in chambers.

Once in chambers, the judge asked if the boy understood what was happening. The 4 year said "Yes sir, my Mummy and Daddy won't be living together any more." "That's correct m'boy" said the judge "And would you like to live with your Mum?" "No" replied the boy. "Why not?" asked the judge. "Because she beats me!" said the lad.

"Hmm" said the judge, "Would you like to live with your Daddy then?" Again the boy answered "No." Again the judge asked "Why not?" And the little lad replied "Because he beats me too."

"Well then, who do you want to live with?" queried the judge. The young boy quickly replied "Leek Town F.C., sir."

"Why Leek Town?" Asked the puzzled judge.

"Because they don't beat anybody" the boy replied.

Leek Town FC is apparently under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion; they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 20 years.

Q: How can you tell ET is a Leek Town fan?

A: Because he looks like one

A Leek Town supporter (not me) goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him. "Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor. "I'd like a second opinion" responds the Blues Fan. "OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.

Q. What's the difference between Harrison Park and Stonehenge?

A. One is a simple ancient structure, which defies all attempts to explain its origin, and the other's in Wiltshire!

Two shipwrecked Leek Town fans are walking along the beach of a desert island one day. One fan says to the other, "I see The Blues have lost again." Stunned by this incredible statement, the fan asks, "How do you know that?" To which the first fan replies, "It's 4.45 pm on Saturday."

A Leek Town fan visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are. "You can pick as many as you like for a fiver" he is told. "Great" he replies "I'll have a tenners worth"

A Leek Town fan and a Stoke fan are walking along the street one day when suddenly the Stoke fan says "Ooh, look at that dead bird!" The Leek Town fan looks up to the sky and says "Where?"

Q: What's the difference between Town's keeper and a taxi driver?

A: A taxi driver only lets in four at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and Leek Town Football Club?

A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!

Q: How can you tell when Leek Town are losing?

A: It's five past three.

There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Leek Town joke. Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, please don`t do that. I`m a Leek Town fan." The guide looked at him (staggered that anyone would own up to this) and said, "That`s okay. We`ll explain it to you afterwards."

Q. What's the difference between a lift and Leek Town?

A. A lift doesn't take 9 months to go down

Q: What do Leek Town players and a jigsaw puzzle have in common?

A: They both go to pieces in the box.

Q: What's the difference between Leek Town fans and yogurt?

A: Yogurt has culture.

Did you here about the new Leek Town bra? It has no cups and very little support.

A new Leek Town Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".

Apparently fundamental flaws have been discovered in the main stand. The seats are facing the pitch!

Rumour has it that the Leek Town board are buying a new stand. An (optimistic) order has been placed at DFS for a three-piece suite.

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Leek Town. BR think we're a suitable team because of our regular points failures.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Leek Town fan, were exploring deepest, darkest Africa when they came across a huge river. They were just wondering how they would get across when a leprechaun appeared on the riverbank (It's a long way to Tipperary - he'd got lost). "If you can get across this river without being eaten by the crocodiles" he said, "I'll give you my pot of gold..."

"No problem" says the Englishman. He gets halfway across before being swallowed by an enormous crocodile. The Irishman goes next but almost as soon as he touches the water, a croc. gets him too.

Finally it's the Leek Town fan's turn. Before diving in, he gets out a permanent marker and writes " Leek Town will be in the Football League in three years," on his shirt. He then dives in and swims all the way across, no problem. "Thats amazing" says the leprechaun, "How on earth did writing "Leek Town will be in the Football League in three years!" stop the crocodiles from eating you?"

"Well", says the Leek Town fan, "Leek Town will be in the Football League in three years? Not even a crocodile can swallow that..."

Q: What is the difference between Leek & Mars?

A: There might be intelligent life on Mars.

A Leek Town fan and a Stoke fan, were watching the news on TV. There was a film story about a girl on the ledge of a building threatening to commit suicide. The police were trying to talk her down when the Stoke fan says to the Leek Town fan, "I'll bet you £5 that she jumps."

Needless to say, the Leek Town fan took the bet. Seconds later, the girl jumps. The Leek Town fan takes £5 from his pocket and hands it to theStokie. Being a typical kind and generous Stoke fan, he says, "I can't take your money. I saw the same film clip on the 6:00 news today and knew she was going to jump." The Leek Town fan replies, "I watched it, too; but I didn't think she do it a second time."

A Port Vale fan and a Leek Town fan were sentenced to death by firing squad. The officer in charge asked the Leek Town fan if he had a last request. "Yes" replied the Leek Town Fan, "I'm a keen Blues Supporter, and I videoed the last game they played. Could I watch the video before I die?"

"No Problem," replied the officer,"I'll get the men to rig up a large screen, and you can watch it from here." Then turning to the Port Vale Fan, he asked "And what about you, do you have a last request?" "Yes", he replied, "Shoot me now"

Q: What's the difference between Leek Town and an albatross?

A: An albatross has got two decent wings.

Q: Why did the Leek Town fan climb over the glass wall?

A: To see what's on the other side!

Q: How do you confuse a Leek Town fan?

A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

OR give him four shovels and tell him to tale his pick.

Q: What do you call a Leek Town fan in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.

Q: What's the difference between a Leek Town fan and a coconut?

A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.

Q: What's the difference between Leek Town ’s squad and a puddle?

A: A puddle has more depth

Q: Why should Leek Town fans be buried 100 feet deep?

A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

It's official! John Stalker has been recalled to serve in Her Majesty's police force. He's been asked to investigate Leek Town’s shoot to miss policy!!

Q: What do you do if a Leek Town fan hurls a grenade at you?

A: Take out the pin and throw it back .

Q: What do you call a fly inside a Leek Town fan's head?

A: A Space Invader

Q: What do you call a Leek Town fan with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant

Q: Why did the Leek Town fan get so excited when he finished the jigsaw after 6 months?

A: It said 2-4 years on the lid

Q: Why do Leek Town fans like smart women

A: Opposites attract

Q: What do you get when you offer a Leek Town fan a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change.