"Hi! I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am..." BEEP "You've reached the B&D hotline. All our operators are tied-up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance." "Hello, this is Ron. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just kidding. This is an answering machine. (etc.)" "Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me to tell me?" Also, something you might do after you've had the machine for a few months is start answering in person with "Hello, this is a live voice." (Variation on a theme by "The Cosby Show".) Or you could try answering your own phone with "Hello, is Ron there?" "We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and Master Card, Visa, or American Express account number and we'll get back to, pending credit approval." "You have reached the (city,state) Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missle Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave you name, number and target or list of targets and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day." "Hello?" (pause for a few seconds) "Sorry, he's not here right now, but if you leave a message, he'll get back to you." "Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren't here right now, but if you leave a message, they'll get back to you as soon as they can." [imitating Ensign Chekov] "Oh, sair...it was *Khan*! He made us say things...do things... he kept us from answering the phone! But Keptin was strong, and if you leave your name and number, Keptin will get back to you as soon as he can!" (BEEP) [imitating Mr. Rogers] "Hello. I'm in the Magic Kingdom right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure...I knew you could." (BEEP) Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now but if... Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here. Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn. Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn. Matt: No, you're incorrect. It's definitely my turn. Steve: You fool. I know it's ... wait ... Matt ... what are you doing with that frying pan?!? BONK [really loud thud] Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number. "Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?" "This is (#include phone.addr). We are not ... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (sound of window breaking) Great, I'll have to get back to you." "Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......" A friend of mine at school has this message, read by three people while the STAR TREK theme plays in the background. 1: Room 17, the final frontier. 2: These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its 2 semester mission: to seek out your name and your telepohne number. 3: To boldly inform you to wait for the tone. (Annoying flute music in background) Good day, Jim. Your contact, [insert name], is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name,number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds. Good Luck, Jim. "Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name ...", etc.
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