Q: How many audio engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a lightbulb? It's in the manual. Didn't you read the manual? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad General Electric's customer support is. None. That's what interns are for. If you just turn the other dimmers down a bit, the client won't even notice that the bulb has gone out. There is no scientific difference between your old bulb and the new one, and anyone who tells you otherwise is peddling snake oil. First, the decision as to whether the bulb should be changed. It takes 4 at the minimum. One of whom must have excellent communication skills and will present a paper on the subject for consideration by the AES. The other 3 set up numerous blind looking tests to determine whether or not anyone really will notice the bulb's state as significant. Passing that part of the process, we find that it may be necessary to select the proper replacement. The "1 or 10" rule applies here. Either the engineer is experienced enough to select the right bulb for the job, or it may require 10 engineers to discuss the various options available. No fewer than 3 of these will then review products suitable for the trade magazines while 4 others present discussions of the subject to such venues as regional AES section meetings and rec.audio.pro. The remaining 3 indulge in Internet flame wars blasting the reviews of the first 3. Ideally, a side by side comparison of bulbs will take place. One must consider spectral emissions and foot-candle data, measuring all to confirm manufacturers' claims. The type of gas filling the glass bulb and material used for the filament can influence the quality of lamp performance, and the psychological effects of colour distribution can… What was the question? Two. One to operate the dimmer and one to say "a little too bright. Turn it down." If you use 110-ohm balanced line in your lamps, you can go for dozens of generations without changing. One, so long as he replaces it with an oxygen-free bulb. First we have to decide if the bulb is wired base-hot, or thread-hot. Well, first we need to evaluate how it will affect the artistic integrity of the piece to be played in the dark or in the light…. Three, if the bulb has poor off-axis response. Lightbulb…??? You're still using those? One, two, one, two…is this thing on? None. That's a job for a video engineer. I don't know, how many engineers did it take at [rival-studio]? None. Since it's analogue, leave it broken and replace it with the latest digital bulb from Alesis. None. They'll just fix it in the mix. A 20 None. That's the way vintage lightbulbs are supposed to look. A 21 Only amateurs change light bulbs; pros know that it's the room that really needs work. A 22 A vacuum bulb, or solid state? A 23 How much to you want to spend? How many light bulbs does it take to change an audio engineer? Just one… the little red one over the track where you just yesterday got that perfect vocal line.
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