Computer
Woman
doesn't talk (much, yet)
talks constantly
does what you tell it
often asks "why" or says "no"
does EXACTLY what you tell it
often intelligent
hard metal case
soft skin
disk drives stay the same size
vagina stretches over time
standardized parts
each wants something different
comes with manuals
how the hell does this thing work?
multi-function mouse
multi-function mouth
doesn't care if you shower
insists on cleanliness
many GIF, JPEG files
insists on monogamy
batch files automate activities
likes variety
sits there naked
spends money on clothes (but looks better naked)
looks impressive on desk
looks impressive on arm
can turn it off
demands attention
buying computer magazines helps you work with it
buying girly magazines makes it difficult to work with
usually grey or cream-colored
choice of several colors
expensive
expensive
upkeep minimal
upkeep a major part of budget
one mouse
one breast for each hand
parallel or serial ports in back
usually dislikes anal sex
no reproductive capacity
gets pregnant at awkward times
can help you with budget
destroys budget
loads of software available
two soft breasts
Pepsi Syndrome makes keyboard
wet spot makes woman difficult difficult to use
one switch turns it on
demands foreplay
can play games with it
will play games with you
operating system insures consistent behavior
rules change without warning
networking allows communication
if you do something stupid, all the other women know it immediately
"c: file not found"
"not now, I have a headache"
old ones look neato
old ones look ugly
viruses can't kill you
viruses can kill you
testing and comparing is expected
testing and comparing is harassment
having multiple ones is luxury
having multiple ones is polygamy
keeps you up all night because it's fun
keeps you up all night because it's bitchy
performs millions of logic operations per second
Doesn't perform a single logic operation in its entire life
produces correct conclusions faster than man
produces ridiculous conclusions faster than man
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