Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!" "A prostitute!" Sheila repeated. Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and saying, "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant."
This raggedy-assed old nun was walking home from the convent one day, when this man jumps out from the bushes and has his way. Then the man said, "What will you tell the Holy Father now, Sister?" She says, "I must tell the truth! I will say I was walking home from the convent when a man jumped out from the bushes and raped me twice, unless you're too tired."
The church steeple in Port Gibson is very high and was being painted on a rather hot day. The painter was about half way down and, as the steeple was widening out, was taking more paint. The painter felt that he might not have enough paint to finish. Since he was hot and tired, and did not care to make another trip to the ground, he decided to stretch the amount of paint by adding some paint thinner to it. When finished, he lowered himself to the ground and went about cleaning up. Then he looked up to see the results of his work and noted that the area with the thinned paint looked decidedly different. He was pondering about what to do about it when the sky turned dark and there was a lightning flash and loud thunderclap. Then in a loud, booming voice from the sky came the words, "REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!".
From the Internet. Original © not known. This version ©2000 OFC [1] Pauline Sinclair, July 1996. [2,3,4] From an unoriginal Laugh of the Day, August 1996