When a man retrieves his e-mail, he looks closely at them to see what they are.
He takes the junk mail and dumps it quickly into the recycle bin to be deleted. He then
takes the e-mail that is of use to him and prints it, so that it becomes real, and will
be with him..
A man who had a number of programs working on his computer found that one of them had
a bug in it. He worked on that one piece of software day and night until it was
fully operational again. Jesus (might have) said "I am the good computer administrator".
A boss was going away for a time, and before he left, he bought each of his three employees a
computer. To one he gave a pentium 233MMX with 64 Mb Ram, 5Gb Hard Disk and a complete
range of multimedia add-ons - CD-Rom Drive, Modem etc. To another, he gave a Pentium 100
with 16Mb Ram and 1Gb Hard Drive, and to the other, he gave an old 286 with DOS and a Word
Processor.
The man with the multimedia computer devised a really cool interactive CD-Rom, which he
published and marketed over the Internet, and made a packet.
The man with the P100 wrote loads of articles for magazines, and was halfway through
a book when his boss turned up again. But the guy with the Dos machine couldn't be bothered
to use it, even though it had a word processor on it, and so he just kept it switched off.
When the boss returned, he asked each one what they had done. To the first he said - cool
CD-Rom - well done - you can look after this mainframe I have just bought. To the second he
said -well done, I want to put you in charge of our electronic publishing department - for
to everyone who has will be given more.
The third employee said - look! Here is your computer - see - it's all working OK, and
nothing has gone wrong. The boss said - you useless idiot - you were supposed to do
something with that computer - you could have done any number of useful and interesting
things. Instead, you wasted your time. You're sacked.
At the end of the world, the kingdom of heaven will look like this; 10 journalists were
staking out a story outside an embassy. They were all in contact with their office via
their mobile phones. Five of them were wise, five foolish. The story was taking ages to
come out, so they had to stay overnight. Suddenly, the press officer came out and announced
that the ambassador would make a statement in a few minutes. The five foolish journalists
suddenly realised that the batteries on their mobile phones had run out, so they pleaded to
the other five "lend us some batteries", but the other five refused. They then rushed off to
get more batteries, but by the time they had returned, the ambassador had made his statement,
and the news was already around the world. They pleaded with the press officer to ask some
questions, but he said no - you should have been here an hour ago.
A dad asked his two sons to stop watching the telly and help him in the garden. The first
son said "Sure Dad, I'll be there in a minute." But just then, "The Simpsons" came on TV,
and he forgot about it. The second son said "No, the Simpsons are on next", but later
changed his mind and went out to help his dad. Which one did what his dad asked?
The kingdom of heaven is like an computer operating system that never crashes. A man found
it tucked away in a corner of the World Wide Web and cleared his entire Hard Disk so that
he could download it.
The kingdom of heaven is like the Internet. Many good folk put all kinds of useful information
onto it, it is an invaluable source of communication for many, many people, and it has the
potential for so much good. But while these things are put onto the Internet, evil folk
corrupt it with violence, pornography, paedophilia, and others use it to plan their crimes.
At the end of the world, God will reap a harvest, downloading all the good stuff and destroy-
ing the bad stuff with the 'Armageddon Virus'.
The Kingdom of heaven is like this. A man posted one of those really annoying e-mails that you
get telling you how to make loads of money. Only this one really worked. The catch was that
you got money by giving it away. Some people found the e-mail and deleted it before they
even read it. Others read it, thought "whoopee" , and decided to do it, but work pressure got
in the way, and they never really got it together. Others found it and gave it a go for a
while, found that it worked, and even tried to tell others about it, but their friends
ridiculed them and in the end they gave up. Still others found it, gave it a go, and kept
on going even when others told them they were mad, and even when they seemed to be losing
money. They found riches beyond their wildest dreams.
© Tom Beardshaw 101776,1636@Compuserve.com 1997