Jorn Barger (jorn@MCS.COM) wrote:
: *I* think *I've* found the Messiah...!!!
I'm sorry, but the Messiah of bad signatures (warlording from alt.ascii-art
being frowned upon) is, has always been and shall always be
alt.horror.werewolves. Allow me to elaborate:
Late at night, while I was reading
News, I tried, without succeeding
to keep me alive and breathing;
Death was beating at my door.
You might think this information
is all my imagination,
some kind of hallucination,
but it's true, I can assure.
It all began with:
Kelly "STriker RedWolf" Price // \\ Flames to /dev/null
tygris@umd5.umd.edu / | | \ Unsolicitated Commercial
http://www.wam.umd.edu/~tygris | ||_ _|| | e-mail carries a $10 charge
| |/ T \| | per message - mailing
Spiritual Werewolf/cheetah \ |__ __| / denotes acceptance of terms
. \|\OVO/|/ STriker does not speak for the
/_\ /_/\ \ \\ \ \ |~| |~| Computer Science Center or its
/ \/ / /_/_//_/_/ ` _Y_ ' departments. Neither takes
alt.horror.werewolves member |\\_//| responsiblity for the advice
_/| `-' |\_ presented in this message.
"finger tygris@wam.umd.edu" .~ /~-- --~\ ~. WAM FAQ http://www.wam.umd.edu
for policys/PGP key/GEEK code / | v | \ /~tygris/wamfaq
Pointless and unnecessary
signatures are always scary
but this monster was the very
worst I'd seen. So very poor
was its font is ugly ASCII
it was almost Gardner Trask-y.
Then my mind began to ask me:
Could there be worse sigs in store?
The answer was:
4rl21v$8qu$1@mhadg.production.compuserve.com
_~_/ ^^ ~ -\ Till next time,
~~ . ._\ \ Darkmoon aka Gary
^^ -- .___ \ \
^ ~ //// \\ /|_
~~ //// / o\__ Cyber_wolf@compuserve.com
./||| / =,= 104373.667@compuserve.com
~ |||| / (~~~~ _ (until compuserve gets it's
.\\\\\ / \____// mail system straightened out)
~ ^\\\\\ / =====)
- - \\\\\/ / // Surf's up at Huntington!
~~ .. ~~ , ^ ~~~ . .~~ _ ., ~~ ~~ The worst day body-surfing
~ . , . ~~~ _ . . ~~ ^ ~^ ~~ ~~~ . beats the best day working!
~`` ^ - ` ~ . . ` ~~ ` ^
Seeing this, I then reflected:
Why do morons get connected?
Sigs alt.ascii-art rejected
made me plummet to the floor.
What an awful situation!
I required medication
for the excess punctuation
nearly had me dumping core.
And then came:
31DED47C.2B14@algonet.se
Care & Take Care,
-=HOWLING=-
-=HEART=-
a.k.a.
Sinclair Andersen,
physically residing in Stockholm, Sweden
but you are always welcome to my
Cyber L@ir at http://www.algonet.se/~edge/wolf
or mail me: edge@algonet.se
My WERECARD can be found at
http://www.algonet.se/~edge/wolf/werewolf/howl.htm
=+= My opponent knew me so well, =+=
=+= I had to make a move that surprised us both =+=
Is there hope for human thinking?
I had hope, but it was sinking
for this signature was stinking
like a pile of fresh manure.
Really, I considered blowing
up my screen when it was showing
sigs with whitespace overflowing
and filled up with stars galore.
Then I saw:
31DC8D06.20BB@city-net.com
--
/\ _
/ \\ /| ___________________________________ . .
|__|\_/_| | ~ ROWSBY T-WOLF ~ | .(|_|).
/ ((._.)\____ | AHWW Packmember/3D Animation & | (|/ \|)
/ / __ . .\/\ __| M U L T I M E D I A Student @ | (___)
/ ` \_._/\/ _/ The Art Institute of Pittsburgh |
\(\ \___V_/V \__ BFA in 2D Media. Dec 1992, BGSU | A Wolf
\_ \( /) |___________________________________| Within
\ / csricard@city-net.com
After that, I then was facing,
with no licence: Wednesday spacing!
Big enough to be amazing
was its line count: half a score!
Why are sigs like this created
when they're going to be hated?
I wish INews had truncated
this and made line count four.
But now this followed:
4rh19g$3k9@nuacht.iol.ie
__
= Arooo! * / \ ========================================
= \ \__/ = - gremlin@iol.ie - =
= * ^^-o = - http://www.iol.ie/~gremlin - =
= / / * =- raukan mactira - ennis, ireland - =
= / \ = oOOo =
= | /~\ \__ =- "Wonderous is our great blue ship -=
= \ / |_|| ' =- That sails around the mighty sun -=
= \&_/__\_ -RAUKAN- =- Joy to everyone that rides along" -=
================================================================
Why depict a VAP and ass?
Had someone been smoking grass?
This one surely was more crass
than the sigs I'd seen before.
Could these sigs destroy my brain?
Tell me, would I go insane?
I just sat and felt the pain
hoping that I could ignore
the agony caused by:
31D9B321.16A5@ka.net
Blessed Be, from MoonShadow,
a.k.a. moonshadow@ka.net
. . n, _ _ _
. * + _/ | _ ( | ) _ _ _ ( |_ _ _| _
. /' `' / | | |(_)(_)| )_)| )(_|(_|(_)(_|_)
. + <~ .'
. .' | . AHWW HelpStaffer,
+ * _/ | ___/_\___ Spiritual Therianthrope,
. _/ `.`. ~-./ \.-~ Proud Member of AHWW
/ ' \__ | | /~=-=~\ and IRC junkie
___/ /__\ \ \ /-~ ~-\
(___.'\_______)\_|_|
/St.Bernard German- \ Known as MnShadow on IRC
| Shephard mix with \ http://ka.net/moonshadow
| Wolf in the Pedigree \
Common sense had been depleted.
Sanity has been deleted.
When I saw this sig I greeted
it with an insane "Encore!"
because now I started liking
signatures like The Last Viking
Yes, indeed, the change was striking!
Suddenly, I heard a roar
that came from this:
4rc9ml$nn@hecate.umd.edu
"Maniac" Jack Forrest
The Man of 1000 Holds! E-Manager Extraordinaire!
1/2 of the Masters of Disaster! The #1 ranked Internet Tag Team!
#1 Disco Inferno fan!! I am not a crook!
Friend of all, Big and Small, Short and Tall, and he's got gall!
"Feel the flames of my Disco Inferno!".....Mark Flood
That's J-A, C-K, HAHAHA, F-O, DOUBLE R, E...S-T!
*
* *
* * * * ;)
* 0 0 *
* * * *
* * * * * *
* * *
Believe in the POWER!
Not a roar, but rather howling.
Round me was a pack of growling
wolves intent on disemboweling.
Fangs that bit and claws that tore!
I could not help but to wonder
why I made this awful blunder
as my legs were torn asunder
into crimson bits of gore
and my slayer was:
31D85F69.41C6@indiana.acatlan.unam.mx
.---. .-. | __ |__ __ ____ __ __ __ __
__.|\___/|.__ | | |(__)|__)(__)(__ (__|| __) (__)(
<=============== | | | ___ __ __
/ o o \ | | _ .oO-- |\__|(__ (_/_(__|__) --Oo.
/( )\ .-. | | | | '----------|----------------------'
// \#/ \\ . | | | `-' |
/ \ _// | `-' .---' *** Use these emails to reach the mexwolf
***
| | | |/ ( `---. `--. webman@indiana.acatlan.unam.mx
| | | |_/ | .--' webman@apolo.acatlan.unam.mx
(~\ | | / ~) | | .oO- Sig by Raphiel NahonWolf & Lyceus
-Oo.
__\_|| ||_ /__ | | _///_//_|_|_\\__\\\___|_|_________.-._________.-._.-.__________________.-._____
Lyc's Page http://indiana.acatlan.unam.mx/Person/Webman/
Raph's Page Http://www.it.com.au/~raphiel/
Now my soul is one with Jesus,
but my body ripped to pieces
and turned into lupine feces.
There's a moral: Don't explore
sigs of horror and of terror.
Get the devil out of there or
you'll repeat my fatal error
only once, but nevermore!
From the Internet. Original © not known. This version ©2000 OFC