DOS — the surgeon's got a list of steps to follow, and makes the appropriate incisions, but doesn't know what each one does. There's no anaesthetic. Windows — The surgeon's got some pictures of where he's supposed to cut, but it's basically the same operation as under DOS. Sometimes the surgeon operates on several patients at once, but gets confused who gets what operation where. There's an anaesthetic, but it's a bit flaky and doesn't always work. Windows 95 — Two surgeons operate on 5 patients. Sometimes they're lucky and manage to kill only the patient whose operation went wrong; the others survive but are a bit fragile. The anaesthetic's not bad, but doesn't work on patients heavier than 12 stone; you can get a better anaesthetic in a Plus Pack. Windows NT — One senior surgeon operates on three patients simultaneously. He's a bit more reliable than the Windows 95 surgeons, but as he's still using an Intel scalpel the cuts still bleed. The anaesthetic's better than Windows 95, and comes in smaller syringes, but it's still not wonderful and it helps if you're big enough to withstand the pain without neeeding one. The scar used to look like you'd had a Windows 3.1 op, but now you get a Windos-95 style scar, which some people don't think is an improvement. Of course you could have Linux Healthcare — the surgeon's never worked in a hospital and probably never even made it through medical school, but he's got lots of bodies at home to practise on and most of them are still breathing. Each operation's always a little bit different, but the surgeon's really keen and sounds knowledgeable about what he's doing; he probably keeps a pile of clinical notes beside the bed for light post-coital reading.
© Owain F Carter 1997 All rights reserved.