(best read in sequence) DOS Beer Requires you to use your own can opener and to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8 oz. can, but now comes in a 16 oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available. Mac Beer At first, came only in a 16 oz. can, but now comes in a 32 oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one out of the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list isn't on the can. When you call to ask the ingredients, you're told you don't need to know. A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties into the trash can. Windows 3.1 Beer The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16 oz. can that looks a lot like Mac beer. Requires that you already drink DOS beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially if you're drinking the Windows 3.1 beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows 3.1 beer will explode when you open it. OS/2 Beer Comes in a 32 oz. can, Allows you to drink several DOS beers simultaneously. Lets you drink Windows 3.1 beer simultaneously too, but at a somewhat slower pace. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 beer, but the brewers (International Beer Manufacturing) claim that 9 million six-packs have been sold. Windows 95 Beer The can looks a lot like Mac's beer, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 beer. It comes in 32 oz. cans, but when you look inside the cans, the cans obly have 16 oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 beer until their friends try Windows 95 beer and say that they like the taste. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, although the manufacturers claim that this is an entirely new brew. (Some drinkers of Windows 3.1 beer get a nasty case of hiccups when they first try drinking Windows 95 Beer.) Windows NT Beer Comes in 32 oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 beer but the company promises it's changing the can to look just like Windows 95 beers. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer and suggested only for use in pubs. Unix Beer Comes in several different brands, and cans range from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the ring-pulls break off when you try to open them. You need to have your own can opener around for those occasions, along with a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix beer for several years. Unix beer is often referred to as the "real" beer; although it has been popular with computing students for some time, even arts students are now being forced to drink Unix beer and pretend they like it, or at least can swallow it without coughing.
from the Web, with some alterations. Alterations (c) Owain F Carter 1997