Owain F Carter
Computer Songs and Poems
Humour
Title : Gateway To Net Ten
Original : Stairway To Heaven
Group : Led Zeppelin
Author : Mark Lottor (mkl@nisc.sri.com)
Intro :
Song :
GATEWAY TO NET TEN -- Mark Lottor
[Original words and music by Jimmy Page and Robert Plant]
There's a hacker who's sure all that's coax is fast
and he's buying a gateway to net ten.
When he gets it he'll know if the ports are all closed
with a SYN he can get what he sent for.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
and he's buying a gateway to net ten.
There's an RFC on the wall but he wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a note on the page there's a warning that says
sometimes all of our code is broken.
Don't ya know, it makes me wonder.
There's an error I get when I send to the net
and my packets are lost and retransmitting.
In my logs I have seen loops of mail thru the machine,
and the screams of those who are hacking.
Oooh, it makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon if we all fix and tune
then the packets will reach their destinations.
And a new day will dawn for hosts that stay long
and the telnets will echo quite faster.
Ohhhhh, it makes me wonder.
If there's a bustle in your cisco, don't be alarmed now
it's just a quick ping for the NIC machine.
Yes there are two paths you can route by, but in the long haul
there's still time to change the protocol.
Yowwww, it makes me wonder.
Your host is loaded and it will slow in case you don't know,
the unix's are asking you to join them.
Dear hacker, do you see the overflow, and did you know
your gateway is still under development.
And as we wind out more coax, and gateways slower than our hosts,
There goes a message we all know, it updates routes and wants to show
how everything still turns quite slow.
And if you listen very hard, the bits will come to you at last.
When all are ones and ones are all, to be a rubout and not a null.
And he's buying a gateway to net ten...
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Title : Girls just wanna defun
Original : Girls just wanna have fun
Group : Cindy Lauper
Author : ?
Intro :
Song :
GIRLS JUST WANNA DEFUN*
I can't wake up, in the morning
Cause of what I've been doing for most of the night.
Teacher don't you know my program is done?
And girls just wanna defun.
The phone rings, in the middle of the night
Advisor screams, "Watcha gonna do with your life?"
Patrick**, how I relish double-oh-one***!
And girls just wanna defun.
They just wanna, just wanna, yeah
Girls just wanna defun.
Some people say
A beautiful girl can't tool all night like
The rest of the world.
I wanna be the one to welcome the sun.
And girls just wanna defun.
*Defun, the Lisp command to define a procedure
**Winston, ai professor, MIT
***6.001, Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
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Title : HACKADU
Original : Xanadu
Group : Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Author : Stuart McLure Cracraft
Intro :
Song :
HACKADU
In Hackadu did Hackers Few
An awesome program-hack command:
Where 20, the sacred system, grew
Through monitors nobody knew
Down during the great demand.
Always twice two months to newer release
With TTY's and EMACS to bring the peace:
And here was software smothered by edit-line effects,
Where many a bureaucrat sauntered across the land,
And where MSG/TELNET/FTP were ancient as TENEX,
Constricting winning spots into the bland.
But oh! those abiding Hackers Few were cunning
And lept the heights of unimaginable lossage!
A savage place; as daemonical and sinning
as e'er which plastered a screen with "%DECSYSTEM-20 Not Winning"
B'fore users exchausted from the barfage!
And from this chaos, with irresistable force,
As if this thing were itself the Source,
A mighty idea came glistening to Hackers Fewest
Amid whose logic the sinning 20 burst
Huge fragments of scheduler flung forth like rebounding netmail,
Or chaffy words beneath the BLT's flail:
And 'mid this stupendous destruction at once and forever
It flung up the 20 to permanently sever.
Pages and pages of listings the burning grew
Through structures and directories in the Coup,
Then reached the sources known to few,
And slaughtered in tumult the offending mass:
And 'mid this tumult Hackers Few heard from afar
Ancestral systems declaring war!
The shadows of the program-hack
Floated strongly on the net;
Where was heard the anguished cry of the Sack
From which they inferred they'd win, they bet.
A true war of Hackers Few against Timesharing,
With the ancestors of the 20 battling forth with infinite daring!
A 10 with a mighty cpu
In this battle the Hackers Few espied:
It was a DEC original that knew,
That once the Hackers Few irresistibly grew,
It would forever be banned to limbo.
Could it wreak havoc upon the Few?
With its powerful CPU?
To such a deep satisfaction the answer is no,
That with a slice of their s ring tree Lee,
And set your list free.
Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just program in C.
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Daniel Drucker N2SXX Coconut seashells whispering to me
daniel%mertwig@uunet.uu.net "Forever, forever, my Coda..."
How Am I Supposed To Lag Without You
--- -- - -------- -- --- ------- ---
with apologies to the *ORIGINAL* writer.
Michael Bolton can go suck on a cube of Nyquil Jello.
I could hardly believe it
When I logged back on today,
The console beeped and told me '*** You have mail.'
It was the MAILER-DAEMON,
said my mail had bounced again
It said 'HOST UNKOWN', I should have sent it "snail".
So tell me all about it, tell me while I sit here waiting.
Tell me why server seems so slow.
(Chorus) Tell me how am I supposed to lag without you ?
Now that all your answers take so long.
How am I supposed to lag without you ?
How am I to find a link that's gone ?
Well my screen is locked, I'll boot and log back on.
I didn't come here for cryin' out loud.
It's just my server's always down.
and the ops on all the #channels have me banned.
Can I blame this addiction
When my grades are failure bound.
I just hope the bots will op me like a friend.
And I don't wanna know the tests I'm gonna fail for geeking.
this IRC is more that I can take.
(Chorus) Tell me how am I supposed to lag without you ?
Now that I've been /msg'ing you so long.
How am I supposed to lag without you ?
How am I to find a link that's gone ?
Oops, my screen is locked. I'll boot and log back on.
(Bridge)
And I don't wanna face my parents when they get my report card.
Now that their warnings have come true
(Chorus) Tell me how am I supposed to lag without you ?
Now that I've been living here so long.
How am I supposed to lag without you ?
How am I to play this MUD alone ?
Dammit! My screen is locked. It's time to head on home.
- jonmoon 19930921
==============================================================
)From mpere@nusunix2.nus.sg Mon Jun 21 22:15:08 1993
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today.
I had to come and get it straight from you.
They said you were leavin'
Someone swept your heart away
)From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it, tell me all the plans your making
Then tell me one thing more before I go
Chorus:
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone
I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to breakdown
It's just a dream of mine is comming to an end.
And how can I blame you
When I built my world around
The hope that someday we'd be so much more than friends
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
Chorus
Bridge:
And I don't wanna face the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true
Chorus