Q: What did the Queen give Fergie for her Birthday? A: A first class trip to Paris with dinner at the Ritz. Q: What did Di and Dodi drink at the Ritz before the fatal car crash? A: 4 Harvey WALLBANGERS and 2 SLAMMERS, followed by 6 CHASERS. Q: After the radio, what was Di on next? A: The dashboard, the windscreen, roof...etc. Q: Why is Dodi's penis red? A: Because he dipped it in Di. Q: Why was Di in a Mercedes that night? A: Because she didnt want to be seen dead in a Volvo. Q: What's the difference between Di and Tiger Woods? A: Tiger Woods has a better driver. Q: What's the difference between Princess Di and the NFL teams? A: The NFL teams came out of the tunnel on Sunday. Elton John is going to rename his tribute song "Door handle through her grin." Q: What does Diana stand for? A: Dead In A Nasty Accident. Q: What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring? A: Aren't we moving a bit to fast? Q: How do you paint a tunnel A: With Di. Q: Why did Elton John sing at the funeral? A: Because he's the only queen who gives a shit. Dodi's tomb was to be fitted with central heating until they realised that he already had a radiator on his chest. Q: What is the Difference between Di and Mother Theresa? A: About 4 days. Di and Dodi are in the car on the way home from a night out on the town in Paris. Di says to Dodi "Why don't we stay at my place tonight?" Dodi replies "No, I insist we stop at my place." So Dodi and Di proceed to have a big argument about this, at which point the driver turns round and says "Look, if you can't decide, why don't we just crash here for the night? Q: What happened to the Fairy Princess when the clock struck twelve? A: She turned into a pillar. Q: Whats Diana and a tampon got in common? A: They both go in dark holes and come out red. Mercedes has issued new safety stickers for their rear view mirrors: "PAPARRAZI IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR" Q: What does DODI stand for? A: Died Opposite Di. Q: What does DODI stand for? A: Died On Dashboard Impact. Q: What do Diana and George Burns have in common? A: They both died at 100. Q: What do Pink Floyd, Ayrton Senna and Di have in common? A: They all had hits with the wall. There are some unfounded rumours that the British Secret Service killed Diana. It's completely untrue. The French underground did it. When Dodi asked Diana to marry him, she said that she needed something more concrete in her life. Q: What was the last thing Diana said to the paparazzi? A: No more pictures, I'm a bloody Princess! Q: What was the last thing Di said before she died? A: These photographers are going to drive me up a wall. Q. What do Ferrero Rocher and Princess Di have in common? A. They both come out of France in a box. Q: What is harder than getting red wine out of your carpet? A: Getting Di out of your upholstery. Merc have launched a new series. It has 2 air bags in the front and two body bags in the back. Q: Why did the Poms want to cremate Di? A: That way they finally get to keep the ashes. Q: What would Di be doing if she were alive today? A: Scratching on the lid of her coffin! Q: What do you give to a princess who has everything? A: A safetybelt and an airbag. Q: What's the similarity between Princess Di and a landmine? A: They're both easy to lay but difficult to clear up. Q: What did Diana do when she heard her driver had been drinking? A: She hit the roof.
Dave Browne, From the Internet. Original © not known. This version ©2000 OFC