Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers:
Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll
find out.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.
Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture,
and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
John Locke:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.
The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.
Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross
roads.
Darwin #2:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.
Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did not cross the road.
Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom
we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking
around all over the place anyway?"
The Pope:
That is only for God to know.
Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep
him down.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Immanuel Kant:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross
the road of his own free will.
Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):
I'm not exactly sure why, but right
now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both
cross roads AND balance your chequebook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
1.4999999999.
M.C.Escher:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on
at the time.
George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that
he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving
their interests.
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
Plato:
For the greater good.
Aristotle:
To actualise its potential.
Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.
Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would
tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free
will.
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Pyrrho the Sceptic:
What road?
The Sphinx:
You tell me.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my
omelette.
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a
toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it cross it, I've not
been told!
O.J.:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Andersen Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a program management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment, which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
From the Internet. Original © not known. This version ©2000 OFC