Why do Irish women have black tits?
They don't take their bras off before they burn them.
Did you hear about the Irish rapist?
Ties the victims' legs together so they can't escape.
Did you hear about the Irishman who locked his keys in the car?
Took him eight hours to get his family out.
Did you hear about the Irishman who locked his family in the car?
He had to get a coat hanger to get them out.
What's so special when an Irishman swallows a fly?
He then has more brains in his stomach than in his head.
What does an Irishman have inside his head?
A piece of paper with brain written on it.
Heard about the latest innovation in Irish submarines?
Screen windows to keep the fish out.
Why is the suicide rate low among the Irish?
It's pretty hard to kill yourself jumping out of a basement.
Did you hear about the Irishman who stapled his balls together?
If you can't lick them then join them.
What do you call an Irishman with half a brain?
Lucky.
Did you hear about the Irishman who had an arsehole transplant?
The arsehole rejected him seven days later.
What do you call an Irishman with a University degree?
A liar.
How can you pick the Irish pirate?
He wears a patch over both eyes.
Why do Irish council workers only have 10 minute tea breaks?
If they spend any longer they need to be retrained.
Why did the Irish stop making ice blocks?
The old lady who knew the recipe died.
What has an IQ. of 180?
Ireland.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 Irishmen.
What's the fastest game in he world?
Pass the parcel in an Irish pub.
Did you hear about the Irish parachute?
It opens on impact.
What caused the New York blackout?
Four Irishmen hooking up a doorbell.
What happens to an Irishman who picks his nose?
His head collapses.
Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to blow up a bus?
Burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
What's red and runs around a tennis court?
Unborn Borg or Foetus Gerulaitis.
How do you know when a woman has been screwed by an elephant?
When she sits on a bar stool and slides down.
What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise.
What do you do when an elephant is having its periods?
Hide all the mattresses.
How does an elephant cry
Sits on its bum and bawls.
What does an elephant use for tampons?
Sheep.
How does an elephant fuck a mouse?
Stands on it.
Why have elephants got four feet?
Six inches isn't enough.
Why does an elephant wear condoms on its feet?
Because if it stands on you, you're fucked.
What do you do if an elephant comes in your bedroom?
Swim for the door and don't bother waiting for an apology.
What do elephants use for vibrators?
Epileptic pygmies.