A giant truck stops to pick up a hitchhikeress. The driver opens the door and says, "Come on in. I'm not like the other ones that only let the good-looking girls have a ride."
Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone: My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole.
A man speaks: I had parked my car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart when I heard a female voice say, "Mister, are you using that cart?" "No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing." As I walked toward the store, I heard her murmur, "Typical male."
My boyfriend said that for his physical, the doctor needed a urine specimen, a stool sample, and a semen specimen. I told him, "Just give them your underwear."
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
Sister: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.
Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket.
Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right ... get up and get your own damn blanket.
Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk? Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
Man is the king of his castle A king is a ruler A ruler is 12 inches Still think you're a man?
"I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."
A man finds a lamp and decides to rub the dust off. Then, you guessed it, a Genie appears. The Genie tells the man he will grant him three wishes, but everything the man gets, his mother-in-law gets twice.
The man's first wish is for 10 million dollars. The Genie reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get 20 million dollars. The man says, "that's ok."
The man's next wish is for a house by the sea. Once again, the Genie reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get two houses by the sea; once again, the man says, "that's okay."
The man's last wish is to be beaten half to death.
Real estate man: Would you like to see a model home? Man: I sure would, when does she get off work?
From the Internet. Original © not known. This version ©2000 OFC