Owain F Carter

Quotes and One Liners About Men

Humour

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An empty man is full of himself. - Edward Abbey
You can't belay a man who's falling in love. - Edward Abbey
My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women. - Woody Allen
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. - Woody Allen
A gentleman does things no gentleman should do in a way only a gentleman can. - Luigi Banzini
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want. - William Binger
A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. - Du Bois
Why be a man when you can be a success? - Bertold Brecht
If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. - Rita Mae Brown
The male is a domestic animal who, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. - Emerson
Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls? Only sissies liked girls? What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's changed. You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't grow out of it. We just grow horny. That's the problem. We mix up liking pussy for liking girls. Believe me, one couldn't have less to do with the other. - Jules Feiffer
Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relationships with men, in their relationships with women, all men are rapists, and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes. - from "The Women's Room" (1977) by Marilyn French
A man who has been the indisputable favourite of his mother keeps for life the feeling of a conqueror. - Sigmund Freud
If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were given choices. - Johnny Hart's comic strip "B. C."
If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful. - Haskins
In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person. - Don Herold
For a man to pretend to understand women is bad manners; for him to really understand them is bad morals. - Henry James
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess. - Dr. Johnson
The desire of a man for a woman is not directed at her because she is a human being, but because she is a woman. That she is a human being is of no concern to him. - Immanuel Kant
Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. - Jayne Mansfield
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
Variation: Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman.
When I was young, I used to have successes with women because I was young. Now I have successes with women because I am old. Middle age was the hardest part. - Artur Rubinstein
A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae West
It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. - Mae West
Men become old, but they never become good. - Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One.
Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.
Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Men …give them an inch …and they add it to their own.
I called my last boyfriend "Miller Lite"; tasted good, but wasn't very filling.
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they just put them all there.
Men are like dog turds; the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Men piss like cheap cameras; they just aim and shoot.
Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
PMS is something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts EVERY DAY.
The guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.