A Scotsman had been presented with a bottle of fine old Scotch whisky which he placed in his overcoat pocket. On his way home he fell, and as he got up he felt a wet patch on his trousers. "Please, Lord," he prayed,"let that just be blood!"
Sandy was at a bitterly fought Rangers vs. Celtic football match in Glasgow. The man next to him was terrified as the missiles flew over their heads. "Don't worry," Sandy assured him, "you'll not get hit by a bottle unless it's got your name on it."
"That's what I'm afraid of," said the man, ducking his head lower. "My name is Johnny Walker."
Two Scotsmen bought a bottle of bootleg whisky for a pound and it was the vilest brew they had ever tasted.
"I'll be very glad," said one to the other, "when we finish this bottle."
It had been a bitterly cold day on the Scottish golf course and the caddie was expecting a handsome tip from his weathy client. As they came to the clubhouse the caddie heard the magic words, "This is for a hot glass of whisky!"
Holding out his hand, he was given a sugar cube.
Forecasters were puzzled recently when the entire population of Glasgow ran out onto the streets with glass in hand after an announcement that there was a nip in the air.