And they said the NHS was safe with Labour? Here are the “Top 30 Signs The NHS in is trouble”
1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines.
2. Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental
procedure,"
3. Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of
"War and Peace,"
4. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
5. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
6. Exam room has a tip jar.
7. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray
just before the anesthesia kicked in.
8. "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"
9. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.
10. "Take two leeches and call me in the morning,"
11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.
12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
13. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrow's
doorstep.
14. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk around
with a postcard from Dounreay in their pocket.
15."Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs.
16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.
17. Directions to your doctor's office include, "turn left when you
enter the caravan park,"
18. Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.
19. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is
"an apple a day."
20. Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.
21. Only proctologist in the plan is "Wayne" from
Roto-Rooter.
22. Plan covers only "group" gynecological exams.
23. Preprinted prescription pads that say "Walk it off, you
sissy."
24. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, the doctor
just French kisses you.
25. Recycled bandages.
26. You can get your flu shot as soon as "the" hypodermic
needle is dry.
27. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the trousers you
gave to Oxfam last month.
28. 24-hour claims line is 09965 at £2.50 per minute
29. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided
copier.
30. Enema? The washbasin tap swivels to face upward.