Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A: A candlelit football stadium.
Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its ass and the other's
a chimpanzee.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions!
Q: What does PMS stand for?
A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity
Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who
end up playing with them
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Why did god make man before woman?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy
Q: Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.
Q: Why are men like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word they say.
Q: Why are men like popcorn?
A: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Q: Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A: Because so many men fake foreplay.
Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A: Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and
forefinger) is 9 inches.
Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.
Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.
Q: What do men and women have in common?
A: They both distrust men.
Q: How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their
guilt gifts?
A: Guilt gifts are nicer.
Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q: How is a man like the weather?
A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Q: What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the
other is just having a baby.
Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a
single 40-year-old man?
A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the
40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating
hunger. What do men dream of?
A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second
date?
A: Slow.
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
common?
A: They're married.
Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A: An insurance company.
Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A: Because they don't have any.
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So oxygen can get to their brains.
Q: What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
A: A snow-woman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to
hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A: Castrated.
Q: What's the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Bonds mature.
Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.
Q: Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So men can remember them.