You will be bored of University, and be looking to enter the Real World, which is much more exciting. You will learn of Flow Charts, Internal Documentation, External Documentation, Structured Programming, Object Oriented Programming and Project Management. You will wear torn and faded jeans, a t-shirt, a raggy jumper (in the winter) and sneakers. You will treat your lecturers with derision and laugh at them. You will eat food only if it has been dipped in several layers of fat and grease first. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
You have just finished University, clasped in your hot little hand is your degree, and your eyes are feverishly scanning the horizon for a job in the Computer Industry. However, how are you supposed to act, what are you supposed to do. In a nutshell, what is expected of you?
The Real World (as it is known by the Under-Graduated) is divided up into several disorganised, uneven periods of time, with no particular name ascribed to each.
You will be excited at the prospect of entering the Real World. You will have grand ideas that now you will use Flow Charts, Internal Documentation, External Documentation, Structured Programming, Object Oriented Programming and Project Management. You will wear a suit, tie and shiny shoes and a singlet (in winter). You will treat the Boss with reverence and laugh at all his jokes You will eat healthy packed lunches. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
Your trial period is over. Now you are permanently hired
You are now comfortable in the Real World. You have not yet used, nor seen, Flow Charts, Internal Documentation, External Documentation, Structured Programming, Object Oriented Programming or Project
Management, but have high hopes. You will wear a suit, tie and shoes that were shiny and a vest (in the winter), or reasonably smart clothes on your bad days. You will treat the Boss as a superior, and laugh only at his good jokes. You will mostly eat healthy packed lunches except, on the days you were too lazy to make one, when you will grab something from the nearest takeaway. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
You are now wondering if the Real World is all it's cracked up to be. You have never seen a Flow Chart. You have seen Internal Documentation, but it was of little or no use, and was very rarely serious. The only External Documentation you have seen was last updated in 1978. You attempt to use Structured Programming, and Object Oriented Programming, but are laughed at. The Project Management style is called “What window shall we look through today, boys and girls?”You will wear reasonably smart clothes and shoes that were shiny, or good jeans, a button up shirt with a collar and casual shoes on your bad days. You will treat the Boss as a senior-workmate, laugh only at his really good jokes, and tell a few of your own jokes. You will mostly eat something grabbed from the nearest takeaway, except on days you are energetic, when you will eat a healthy packed lunch. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
By now, you have settled in comfortably, and learned the rules of the Real World.
You now know the Real World is a crock. The only flow chart you have ever seen is the “Is it broken? Did you touch it? — You idiot!” flow chart that circulates through almost every office in the world. You have written Internal Documentation, since you figured you'd better put your mark on something before you die. You bitterly complain about the lack of External Documentation, but never produce your own. Structured Programming and Object Oriented Programming are now only terms to bring up in jovial discussions with your peers. The Project Management style is “I'll work on this, then when I'm finished, I'll tell the Boss we need to do it”. You will complain about the Boss and try to avoid his jokes. You will wear good jeans, a button up shirt with a collar and casual shoes, or faded jeans, a polo shirt and clean sneakers on your bad days. You will mostly eat something grabbed from the nearest takeaway, except on days you could scab a lunch from someone else. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
If you are lucky, you will be noticed. A “master”will see to your tuition and help you in many subtle ways.
You are now learning how to control the Real World. The only Flow Chart you wish to know about is one designed to make your life easier. You no longer need worldly crutches like Internal Documentation. Your External Documentation is mainly written by good Science Fiction authors. Structured Programming and Object Oriented Programming are distant, bad memories. You don't care about Project Management because you do what you like. You will laugh at the Boss. You will wear faded jeans, a polo shirt, clean sneakers and a jumper (in winter), or torn jeans, T-shirt, worn out sneakers and a raggy jumper (in winter) on your bad days. You will mostly eat fried food, except when you are forced to eat something healthy by a well meaning workmate. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
One day, if he is pleased, the “master”will leave, and you must now rely entirely on your training in the “arts”.
You now control the Real World. You become annoyed by newly Graduated Students who are excited by Flow Charts, Internal Documentation, External Documentation, Structured Programming, Object Oriented Programming and Project Management. No matter what the job-description says you are the Boss. You will wear torn jeans, T-Shirt, worn out sneakers and a raggy jumper (in winter). You eat food only if it has been dipped in several layers of grease and fat first. You will drink only caffeine saturated products.
It is just possible you may lose your way on the path and will become a lost soul:
You make everyone else believe that you control the Real World. Flow Charts remind you of 1970's wallpaper designs. You nod your head wisely when newly Graduated students mention Flow Charts, Internal Documentation, External Documentation, Structured Programming, Object Oriented Programming and Project Management, and pity them. You become annoyed when other people don't laugh at your jokes - after all they've been funny for the last ten years. You will wear a tie and shiny shoes, and maybe even a suit - when expecting prospective clients. You will eat anything, as long it is served at expensive restaurants, because that's what the client wants, and anyway, it's all on expenss. You will drink only good red wine.
The latter has truly lost his way, and is to be pitied.