Bud and Lou:  The TV movie

1978 - Harvey Korman as BUD.  Buddy Hackett as LOU

Back in 1992, I very luckily found the book "Bud and Lou" in Birmingham central library (England) and it is still there.  You aren't allowed to borrow the book so I sat in and read the whole thing in 2 afternoons.  Written by Bob Thomas in the 70s, it's an absorbing book and I literally couldn't put it down.  I retained nearly everything that I read.  if I could retain knowledge about my studies as easily as I did with that book, I'd have a top job now and wouldn't have time to come here.
Anyway, it was full of little stories and painted an extraordinary picture of both men.  After halfway through the book, the author realises that he is presenting Lou as an angry soul and devotes a whole chapter to him exploring his personality and justifying his temper tantrums.  Bud also gets a chapter devoted to him.  Great read and I read it when my interest in Abbott and Costello was at it's peak and I'll never forget it.
Cue forward 3 years later.  The official Abbott and Costello scrapbook arrives in the post - 12 months after I ordered it!  I was interested to read the outrage the Costello family felt with that book and I finally learned the other side of the argument.  Who was really the bad guy with Abbott and Costello's partnership.  His name was Eddie Sherman.  Sherman was their manager.   Of course we'll never know the full details, understandably, Lou's family are going to be biased towards him but upon reading countless stories about him like what he did right after Lou died (phoning all the papers from Lou's bed) and asking Betty (Bud's wife) for a small memento after Bud died, I started to believe the stories were true.  it's important to remember this as you watch the TV movie "Bud and Lou" which was released in 1978.  Based on the book it covers the story from where Bud and Lou meet to just after Lou dies.
I new friend in the States very kindly offered to copy me this film.  I have no recollection of it ever been shown on British TV.  He is eager to hear my POV on this story so Daniel, this is for you.

The film opens in a Burlesque house where a stripper is stripping.  You never see the audience throughout this movie just whistles and applause.  Lou comes on with his comedy partner.  Meanwhile, Lou's new wife, Anne,  is walking down the street, buys a paper then goes backstage and meets Bud.  Lou and his partner are laying an egg on stage.  Hackett is completely embarrassing as Lou.  His mouth screws up in one side of his mouth and  there isn't much resemblance.  Lou was NEVER this fat either.  Hackett just doesn't have the comic skills to even think about impersonating Lou.  Instead of trying to be Lou, he attempts to bring in his own silly brand of comedy.  it doesn't work.
Anne meets Bud and there is a strange air of romance between them.  Anne's wife is unnaturally happy throughout this picture.  Bud and Anne are very close but Bud and Lou haven't even met yet!!  At the end of the act, Lou's straight man apologises to Lou for not being very good. Lou says it will take time,  Bud chirps in to agree with Lou and Lou asks who he is.  Anne takes Bud's side and tells Lou to listen to him.  They agree to meet in a cafe later.
In the cafe, the waiter gives Bud his 'usual' scotch.  it's apparent that Bud is a heavy drinker.    Bud tells Lou they should team up and Lou asks why he has got through 5 partners in the last year.  This is wrong.  Abbott was one of the best in the business in those days.  Any partner would be lucky to have a straight man like him.  They try to make Bud full of secrets.  Hacket looks nothing like Lou or does he ever attempt to imitate his voice or accent.    It's bloody irritating too.  I could of done a better job myself (in either roles).  I haven't come to Korman yet...
Bud calls Lou 'Little' and very seriously Lou says "Don't ever call me little again".  This was emphasized quite a lot in the Bob Thomas book.  Lou is referred to as 'little man' quite frequently in 'Dance with me Henry' so I don't think he felt quite as strongly as they thought.  Thomas and the film makers are obviously trying to overdramatise to story.  Anne continues to laugh and smile.  Bud tells them he was a 60/40 advantage in their wages.  Anne talks Bud into a 50/50 split and Costello says "Here's to Costello and Abbott" but Bud reminds him (and the viewer) that the straight man comes first.
Next scene has the boys playing card in the changing room while a stripper strips.  When she's done, they come out and <cringe> they do the classic mudder/fodder routine.  There is absolutely NO chemistry and Hackett does a little pause between EVERY word he says.  He clearly didn't study for the role very well.  Costello was all hands and even his body language was funny.  Hackett is so stiff on stage.  Korman is way to tall for Bud.  His voice is to strong too.  Bud had a raspy voice, this guy talks like friggin opera singer.  There is no rhythm or timing in their verbal routines together.  Halfway through the act, Bud, out of script tells Lou to hit him.  Confused, Lou eventually hits him (A real soft tap) and Bud goes to the floor, the curtain goes down and Lou is perplexed.  Anne tells Lou it's not his fault.  She then tells Lou Bud is an epileptic and tells him she's known "for a long time".  How long have Anne and Bud been friends for anyway?  They appear to be VERY close.
Lou sees Bud in the dressing room in a well directed 'behind the scenes feel' scene.  Lou starts an argument demanding to know why Bud carries pencils in his pocket and drinks a bit. Bud tells him about the illness and it's why he has been through so many partners in a year.  Lou is sympathetic.  Lou tells Bud he is the best straight man ever and wants to keep him forever,  Bud tells Lou never to change.  (it's obvious he will).
<SHUDDER>  They are back on stage doing the classic U-drive bit.  Hacket gets worse with each viewing.  Bud is holding Lou back and they argue later.  Hacket is walking like an ape.  Bud reminds Lou he has to keep the rhythm.  At a later gig, Lou tells a risqué joke and Bud later tells him he wants him to keep his jokes clean.  Bud gets out a bottle and starts drinking.  They argue a bit and Lou wants to know why he drinks so much and tells him he has a @pretty wife'.  This is the only time Betty is been mentioned in this film.  She is never seen or spoke of again.  Korman looks nothing like Bud nor does he talk or act like him.  Bud confesses to Lou he's scared of his illness and Lou is sympathetic again.  Bud tells him the horrors he suffered at school but I read that Bud's epilepsy didn't start till his early twenties!
Lou picks up the bottle and pours Bud a drink.  The two are best of friends again.  
the pair are now sitting in the chairs while some dancers rehearse, they are playing card.  A very strange looking man finds them and talks to them.  He introduces himself as 'The world's tallest midget'.   yup, it's Eddie Sherman himself!! Bud knows he books people and is an agent.  Eddie tells them he is a big fan/ he comes out with some unfunny dialogue (don't ask) then tells them he wants to make big stars out of them and put them on Broadway.  Bud tells him they are doing fine.  Lou wants to hear more.  Eddie offers them the job in Atlantic City doing the Steel peer job.  They learn they are gonna take a massive pay cut for the job and it's just a 10 week guarantee.  Sherman tells them their timing is superb.  Looking at the pair doing their routines, it's hard to see where he is coming from.  
Sherman tells Lou he has pathos and Lou doesn't understand what that means!!  Bud accepts on condition they split their pay 60/40.  Lou says he'll never forget.  Bud is still very skeptical but Lou is very happy.
later, Bud tells Lou he is happy in burlesque but Lou tells him he doesn't want to do that anymore.  Anne and Eddie are with them. Eddie tells them he wants to put them on the radio.  He tells Lou to sound scared and in a completely embarrassing bit, Korman does the 'Hey Abbott' yell.  Anne laughs, I wince.
Sherman is dressed in brilliant white, probably representing he is A+C's angel (He collaborated with the book and this film you must understand)
Eddie is talking to the radio producer Ted Collins and the boys can be seen in the background through the window.  Strangely they DO look like the real Abbott and Costello in the long shot! Collins turns Eddie down and Eddie tells him that they will make him famous "As the man who turned down Abbott and Costello".  The film's best line.  
Next scene, Lou and Anne are at home listening to Ed Wynne.   The phone goes, Anne answers it and the caller announces himself as "The world's smallest giant".  Anne bursts out laughing and Lou gets it.  Lou learns he has a spot on the radio as red Skelton is unavailable.  it's for the Kate smith Show.  Lou dials Bud's Number and screeches (wince) "HEEYY  ABBOOOTT!". Anne laughs and kisses Lou and he tells Abbott he has to go
In the radio studio, Bud and Lou are sitting down reading the bad script provided for them.  Collins has provided them with bad scripts to prove Sherman wrong.  This is incorrect.  A+C were well known and had their fans even at this point.  They weren't the best find but Collins wouldn't of done this. He asked them no way was they going to do their who's on first routine.  After a few months, Lou called his bluff and said he was fresh out of routines, Collins ended up begging them to do Who's on first and that propelled them to stardom.  It was in their contract they perform the routine once a month.
back to the film, they are called up to the microphone, toss their scripts away and perform who's on first there and then.  It's another low-point of the movie.  They go through most of the whole routine!!  We get to see a few of the audience chuckling at home.  No one is in hysterics or nothing, they just sit there chuckling at this legendary routine.  I suddenly realise, maybe the filmmakers didn't actually like Bud or Lou?  Hacket still does the weird 'leave a gap in between every word he says' thing.  When 'Bud' tells 'Lou' to calm down, there is too much of a pause.  Bud and Lou performed this in rapid fire mode in the forties, here they are slow as anything.  Also, Bud keeps telling Lou to take it easy and stops him before he gets too mad.  It stops the whole routine and they have to get the momentum going again.  At the end we are 'treated' to Hackett's rendition of 'I'm a baaad boy!'

OK, I have uncurled my toes now :0\ 

Backstage Eddie tells them the switchboard lit up like Times square.  they got a contract to do the show every week.  We see a poster for the streets of Paris then we see Bud in the dressing room.  He feels an attack coming on and puts a pencil in his mouth and takes a drink. Lou comes in smiling.  They do a bit of small talk then Eddie comes in and tells Bud he'll be getting a new wardrobe anyway.  Eddie the angel tells them he has a firm offer from Universal Pictures.  This is rubbish.  MGM was interested in Abbott and Costello too.  At an interview with Universal, Lou, on the spot improvised the plot for Buck privates as well as the 'Oh Charlie' routine from Hold that Ghost while Bud and Eddie sat stone faced. In this film, they just get an offer from Universal.  Bud is not interested in films but Lou tells Eddie he'll do it alone.  Lou loses his temper and tells him it's important to him.  Bud has no choice but to go along with it.  
When Lou and Anne get to California, Lou gets excited and picks up Anne and swirls her around.   She laughs but he gets dizzy.  he explains he has a heart murmur.  Hacket looks too old for a 34 year old Costello.  The black hair looks fake.  He tells Anne he had rheumatic fever as a kid, but Lou had never been ill in his life up to this point.  When Lou makes an embarrassing  jokes about not being able to push battleships, Anne is in hysterics again.  As they walk off, Anne tells Lou to get a porter, he whistles and a black porter comes out of nowhere with a huge smile on his face, picks up the bag without uttering a word and follows them out of the frame with a big open mouth grin.  Remember the stereotypical black porter from a couple of A+C's early films?  Well this is a carbon copy.
In Universal, The boys are in a meeting and meet a guy called Lester Marcel who will apparently direct their first film. (I've never heard the name before) Buck privates is the film mentioned, no sign of One night in the tropics.  Arthur Lubin directed Buck privates. Lou loses is temper when the producer lets them know he is not happy with his assignment and many producers turned down "This golden opportunity".  When the producer tells him a bit about himself, Lou gets a bit sheepish.  But when the phone rings and the producer is clearly patronizing them, Lou gets mad and tells Abbott he will rub his nose in it one day.
Next scene, a radio announcer announces that Buck privates his a mega success.  next scene has the boys filming the immortal hammock scene from In the navy.  Astonishingly, Bud now has a very raspy voice!!?!  I give up.
The director cuts (the same guy in the office) and tells them their is a camera problem and Lou would have to do the scene again.  Lou loses his temper and tells them he won't do it again.  It is incredible inaccurate.  Bud and Lou were cooperative on the set, they were pranksters but never behaved like this.  It was their 3rd film for Universal (Shot before 1/2 of Hold that Ghost).  It's VERY uncharacteristic and Hacket himself said he was unhappy with the scene as they cut lots out.  The producers are intent on making Lou look like the bad guy.  Anyway, Lou storms off and Bud tells the director he'll calm him down.  The director asks the producer what can he do to get off the picture as Lou resents everything he says and does.  Lubin initially enjoyed working with the boys but felt they weren't paying attention to him, that's why he left.  I doubt relations were this bad.  He directed 3 films after In the Navy for the boys too.  This film is inaccurate and it's unfair to Lou's memory.
Next scene has Bud arriving at Lou's house, the radio announcer says that 'Keep em flying' is the film to watch' so now it's the end of the year.  Bud and Anne are getting friendly again, Anne is pregnant.  Weirdly, Lou is hosting an outdoor party and not many people have turned up!!  Bud and Lou were insanely popular by now and the third largest box office attraction in the world!  If Costello hosted a party, there'd be LOADS of people going.  Including all the hundreds of friends and hanger-on's from his burlesque and vaudeville days.  
Lou completely loses his temper and storms off when he realises everyone has had 'previous engagements'.  Eddie tells Anne they should take a break when Lou finishes his current picture (it would be ride 'em cowboy)
Eddie has a word with Lou and Lou tells him THEY should all be sorry.  It's apparent the writers want Lou to have a big grudge against all of Hollywood.  Hollywood was Lou's dream.  The fun he had on set (which was legendary in itself) was NEVER covered in this movie.  It's important to know this film is very one sided against Lou.  Many people loved him in Hollywood.  he had lots of fun with costars.
Next scene has them in their dressing room in their ride em cowboy costumes.  The producer comes in and tells them their card playing are holding up production.  Lou tells him that unless Bud and himself get a trailer bigger than Deana Durbin's.  He also hints his motivation is because the producer never showed up to his party (Where on earth this came in is anyone's guess).  Lou tells the producer he may not be funny.  Bud wants to be left out and when the producer gives in to Lou's demands and leaves, Bud warns him he's giving them a bad name.  Predictably Lou starts another argument and walks out.
Now in his Pardon my Sarong costume, Lou walks in the hospital room where Anne has just given birth.  It's apparent she's gone through labour and gave birth and the baby is now in another part of the hospital and Lou just walked in in costume.  For a lady who has just given birth, Anne has lots of energy and she has her makeup on and is still laughing throughout the scene.   Hackett looks really old in this scene. Lou holds up productions by playing cards with Bud.  Anne has had a difficult time giving birth and after 40 seconds, Lou says he has to get back on the set!!  Talk about not getting your priorities in order!!  It wasn't even 40 seconds.  he acts more like Jerry Lewis.  The scene caps with Lou running off and Anne laughs again. It's quite embarrassing.
On set, Lou is carried in and all the cast and crew congratulate him.  That SAME director is there!!!  what he is doing there??  Erle C. Kenton directed Pardon my sarong (with additions by Charles Lamont no less!).  Anyway, the reason I noticed him because he looks all glum in the scene and is not happy for Lou at all.   Eddie is there at the front as usual looking like he can do no wrong
Next scene has a radio broadcaster informing his audience (and us) that the boys have been busy playing on stage, army camps, bond drives etc.  The boys are now doing an awful routine and we see about 6 guys in the audience (a short range short).  When they finish there is a pause then light applause!  it certainly doesn't look like they are now the NUMBER ONE box office attraction.  Lou looks a bit unwell then helps some workers lower a sign and then he collapses.  Eddie asks when was the last time he had a physical check up, it's evident Lou doesn't know but he had one when signing the contract for Universal and he was ordered to cut down his cigars on account of his murmur. Eddie insists he go to hospital.  Lou feels more pain and lies down.
Ending this scene is a bit of a downer but the next scene has Anne laughing again while playing with the baby (they already had 2 daughters but they are never referred to).
Bud walks up the garden with his arms round Anne like he is in love with her. he tells her (and the audience) it's been 3 months since Lou's collapse.  She tells him that the doctor said he'll be an invalid for many years.  Incredibly, Bud asks "Will he ever work again"?  Du'rh!  She says Probably not.  Bud tells Anne he'll make it.  Bud's arm keeps squeezing on her shoulder and it's a bit suggestive.  Bud asks whether he can see him.  When Lou was ill, Bud went over everyday to see him!  In the only funny bit of this film, Lou wants to bet the results of his blood pressure with the crusty, miserable nurse.  She won't let him.  Bud comes in and we can see Lou has lots of energy.  Judging by the conversation "Did you see my kid?", it's might be suggested that Bud hasn't visited yet. I don't know.
Lou wants to gamble. It's a well written scene this actually.  It's evident the team are fond of each other and Bud says Lou can his his new dream car if he gets back on his feet in 6 months.  Lou  says he has to 'cos his "Kid needs his father". They end the scene by doing a line from Who's on first.

six months later, Hackett's screeching Hey Abboott! opens the scene.  Bud gives him the car and the 2 embrace.  It's time for Lou to go back to work, he tells Anne to make sure his baby (Butch is never referred to by name) stays up so he can recognise Lou's voice on the radio.  Eddie seems to nice in this scene again. What is he doing at his house anyway? He had more clients that just Bud and Lou.  At the radio studio, Eddie tells the producer that Lou is fine again and then the phone rings.  Eddie is out on.  He is shocked.  He tells the producer there's been an accident with the baby and he must get Lou home.  When he gets home he learns his baby has drowned in the pool.  Eddie is seen holding on to Lou.  Eddie looks after him.  Eddie can do no wrong.
Inside Anne has stopped smiling.  now I realise they made her ultra-happy to dramatize the effects of her mental condition after Butch died.  Quite insulting to her family really.   The two are crying and Lou walks out.  Eddie follows and they go back to the studio where Bud is waiting. (Don't ask). Lou decides to keep his word to his son and let him hear his voice over the radio. the show goes on.
They are doing the Jonah and the whale routine for the radio and Bud's voice is slightly raspy again (not much).  There is no chemistry and the audience are hardly laughing.  They really muck up this routine.  They REALLY muck up this routine and give it a brand new ending.  Lou walks off and Bud addresses the audience and tells them of the tragedy.   Quiet a moving scene.  It does make you think of what they really went through back in 1944.  Lou was never the same again.  The marriage went downhill from there.
Lou and Anne are in bed and Lou sits up and looks at his bracelet.  (it had Butch's name on it and Lou had it welded to his wrist not long after).   Lou goes to the play pen and thinks of his dead child crying his eyes out.
next scene, Lou walks in his house with a suitcase.  He's been away.  He calls for Anne but she doesn't respond.  he finds her drunk.  She first laughs but soon they get in an argument.  Out the blue he blames her for the death of the baby and she says this can't go on forever.  She gets very angry and upset and slaps him across the face (Bud never slaps him in this movie).
At night, the two are playing cards.  The producer joins them.  Lou called him from somewhere just so he can play cards with them and when he refuses, Lou fired him.  When Bud tells Lou he was out of line, they get in another argument.  Now Lou says he will never talk to him again.  The pair DIDN'T talk for about 18 months in the mid forties but this was because Bud hired a maid Lou had fired and the argument got out of control.  In this scene it's too ridiculous to believe Lou wouldn't want to talk to Bud again after Bud chastises him for been out of line.  It's too stupid.  
Lou and Eddie are talking. It comes out that Lou has held a grudge against Bud for insisting on the 60/40 pay split in the early days and now he wants 60/40 pay split in his favour.  In real life, Lou did this years earlier than depicted in this film.  According to the book, he did this in 1942!  Lou is punching at a punching bag.  maybe this is signifying something?  Eddie begs Lou to change his mind.   Oh that Eddie is such a nice guy!!  Eddie opens a letter and incredibly the internal revenue are now auditing them.  This happened in 1953!!  So in the same scene, an event from 1942 and 1953 happen in succession!!  LOL.
Bud and Eddie are now talking, Eddie reminds Bud about why Lou wants the 60/40 split.  Bud is suprised he hasn't asked for top billing.  Eddie says he's tried it.  In real life Lou ALWAYS had wanted top billing.  Back in 1942, Bud said he would split the team up if Lou got his way over Costello and Abbott.  The studios reminded Lou they bought "Abbott and Costello" and not "Costello and Abbott".  Lou never got his way, though his name appears in the credits above Bud's in their final film which they produced.
Bud and Sherman agree that Lou is a different person since the baby died but considering his tantrums earlier in the film, there is no difference.  Terrible writing.
Next scene has the boys been questioned by the IRS.  This is 1953 and Bud has NO moustache!!  There is a line in the movie that was directly quoted from the book (been 9 years since I read it and I still remember the chapter) "How much do you pay for your suits Mr. Abbott?" Have these clowns ever actually watched Bud in 1953?  He definitely had the moustache, had a VERY raspy voice and put on weight.  Korman looks exactly like he did at the start of the film.  Even the hair line.  Ridiculous! Lou tries to make a joke out of the scene but good guy Eddie gives him a dirty look.  Where is Betty??  Anne is in the scene.  Lou argues with the auditor.  Lou gets mad with Anne and shouts at her infront of everyone and she leaves the room.  
The auditor tells then they owe about 1 million 700,000 dollars and must pay it immediately.
The boys are now broke.
The auction in the garden takes place and Lou and Eddie talk to a few reporters.  Lou says he can't afford not to work and he can't afford to die.  It's mentioned that Bud has sold his estate.  
Strangely, it's said that They are appearing in Vegas the week.  This event happened in 1957, 4 years ahead!  I have to say the hairstylist done a good job here.  Though Lou still has a high voice.  The hairstylist did a better job than the actor!  it's also noted that Bud and Lou are not speaking.  
That producer is back and is now not renewing their contracts.  He says "The last four A+C pictures lost money".  This is completely false.  Abbott and Costello meet Dr Jeykll and Mr. Hyde SKYROCKETED at the box office (Lou himself was very surprised).  The producer hasn't ages in 15 years!!  Neither has the rest of the cast. it looks fake.  
It's also never noted that Lou FIRED Eddie in 1947 and the team were manager-less for a couple of years and they made their best known film (A+C meet Frankenstein) during this period.  Lou never got on with Sherman that much.  Also, there was a third member to Abbott and Costello.  Their fantastic gag writer, John Grant.  Why didn't his character ever appear in this film??  Lou fired him over a political row in the early fifties and he went on to work for Martin and Lewis before his death in 1955.  He was integral to A+C and he was never mentioned.
Anne and Bud are walking arm in arm in the garden.  Anne tells Bud she misses him (has she no other friends?).  She is not happy but she is laughing again.  Bud is now 60 in real life but Korman looks no different.  Anne decides she won't defend Lou again.  She tells him she's alone and he puts his arm round here.  A few autograph hunters come up to get Bud's autograph and Anne walks off.  What would betty think? :0)
In Vegas, Bud is nowhere to be seen.  Lou goes on stage and starts to do an act.  He is popular with the crowd (he tells AWFUL 'jokes').  Bud then appears drunk.  In the long shot, there is a resemblance to Lou.  We are also treated to a shot of an audience.  Lou realises Bud is drunk and leads him off the stage.
Backstage Lou says to Eddie he'll never work with Bud again.
next thing, Lou is in his dressing room after doing a solo.  Eddie comes in and Lou is glad to see him.  Lou tells him he don't talk to Anne no more and his career is not so good anymore and he gets pains in his heart.  Eddie suggests he gets Bud back but Lou tells him he'll offer Bud five hundred a week, Eddie refuses.
On his way to a stage later, Lou has a heart attack and collapses.  Nothing is ever mentioned of Lou's solo film - which he was lonely making, could of been an opportunity to write a good scene but never mind.
Lou tells Eddie he wants the ice-cream. Unlike in real life, Eddie has the ice-cream on him.  As he eats the ice-cream, they talk.  Lou and Eddie talk about the future.  Lou reminisces about Bud and it's clear No one knows about Lou's hospitalization.  In real life, Anne and the 2 elder daughters visited him everyday.  They were still a strong family.  Lou adored his children.
Anyway, Lou tells him it's the best ice-cream he ever tasted - then he dies.  Exactly how it was written in the book.
Bud answers his door in the middle of the night, it's Eddie. Eddie tells Bud he has had another attack and Bud learns of his death.  According to two other sources (the actual book too I believe), Bud never learned Lou was ill, Lou didn't want him to worry as apparently he was quite ill himself.  He found out about his death ironically while watching one of their TV shows - the "Who's on first" episode.  There was a newsflash through the commercial break.  This film is full of inaccuracies all made up for 'sensationalism'.
Bud cries and Eddie holds his hand. (Is it clear how nice Eddie is in this movie)
Bud hears them doing who's on first in his head and the camera pans out.  We then see them perform on stage.

The end
Well that is that.  Such a dark movie.  The second half is hurried along.  Never any mention of how popular Lou was.  he comes across and a lonely, bitter man, even before Butch's death.  Buddy Hackett was infact a friend of Lou in real life.  He also wrote the introduction to the Official A+C scrapbook.  He said they cut out bits of Lou being the nice guy.  In any case, his performance sucks.  The performances on stage are totally embarrassing to watch.  Nothing at all like Lou.

**I just want to add that I have heard whispers that Hollywood may produce another Abbott and Costello film.  I challenge Hollywood to let ME write the script (and perform in either roles).  I'll do a far better job than those clowns involved with this movie.